Category: Ethel

A nigga need a screwdriver and a building permit to eat a bitch out

You know bitches get they flaps contoured? They bleach they assholes too. Bleach! Asshole oughta be nasty, Thumper thunk, that’s how you know it’s worth it!

All females in the movies acquire plastic surgeons like baseball cards till they look like zombies with a fresh coat of paint. Thumper’d still fuck ’em, but he’d rather fuck that old bitch Ethel, who was ugly as spillt milk but at least she was a living human.
You know bitches get they flaps contoured? They bleach they assholes too. Bleach! Asshole oughta be nasty, Thumper thunk, that’s how you know it’s worth it! Pussies got more maintenance than golf courses nowadays. A nigga need a screwdriver and a building permit to eat a bitch out.

From The Ex-Con, the Prettyboy Thug and Gang Loyalty

Netflicks

Thumper saw a netflick, it was so boring he slept for five hours without getting up to piss.

A modern nigga need the teevee. Thumper spent his prison sentence wondering what kinda good stuff on teevee he was missing, and the answer was: nothing. They ain’t make a single show worth watching while he was locked up.
And movies be dumb as boots nowadays, swear to God, Thumper be bugging. He went to a movie with that old bitch Ethel, it got this white female who was mostly lips, buncha jubilous niggas, whole thing is basically a cartoon, they do it on computers. It’s all a green screen till they put the shit in, and the jokes don’t even make sense unless you read the right comments on the internet. A nigga needta download a software update to get the dialogue.
And don’t even get Thumper started on the music!

In maybe his best decision ever, Sharnell agreed with Thumper about the movies. He said they got good horror movies nowadays though, but they ain’t netflicks. Sharnell frowned on netflicks. Thumper saw a netflick, it was so boring he slept for five hours without getting up to piss. That made it a good movie in Thumper’s notions. Damn netflick was so dull it fixed his bladder neck! Gotta pay for the movie every month if you wanna keep it though. Shit’s bullshit, nigga.

From The Ex-Con, the Prettyboy Thug and Gang Loyalty

The thought of her made his dick hard as a brick of bics

He ain’t gotta work at a stiffy like with that old snatch Ethel.

It was crowded with niggas staring slack-eyed at the strumpets, but most the dancers was white. Thumper liked that. He could dig a white chick. His favorite, however, was the dancer Ebonette. She got booty for days, and just the thought of her made his dick hard as a brick of bics. He ain’t gotta work at a stiffy like with that old snatch Ethel.

From Thumper the Mover

I got a good fifteen, twenty puhcent left to snack on.

Old lady pussy take awhile to get wet, but I got it goin’, got it goin’ good. Got her purrin’ like a mash potatuh, nigga.

“Her pussy is sweet as sunset, you don’t even know.” Thumper wolf-whistled as they both laughed. “Niggas, y’all is some silly pups, you know nothin’. Nothin’. She put out all I want. I stuck it up her backside two times last night. And I was licking that pussy fo’ hours. Ain’t even finish the whole pussy, I’s savin’ the rest fo’ latuh. I got a good fifteen, twenty puhcent left to snack on.” Thumper leaned forward, his rammy beard smelling like the unwashed parts of old ladies. His voice got a low growl. “Old lady pussy take awhile to get wet, but I got it goin’, got it goin’ good. Got her purrin’ like a mash potatuh, nigga.” His face was deadly serious. “I will lick any bitch’s pussy,” he said all defiant-like, as though he was making a stellar point. He held two fingers up to his mouth in a v-shape and licked the space between them. “Don’t care how ugly.”

From Thumper the Mover