white girls mingling like saucy noodles

“This is awful, my life is over!” Miriam screamed. She threw a sharp-heeled shoe at Thumper, who stood in the doorway to her room. “This is because you follow me around everywhere. Caden thinks you’re a creep, that’s what it is!”
“Miriam, I’s sorry, guhl, I ain’t — you bein’ dramatic as a soap star, yo’ life ain’t ovuh-“
“What the hell is a soap star?! Why do you talk like that? Why can’t you talk like a cool black guy from this century? What’s wrong with you?” she said. She stamped her feet. She bin tearful, so her makeup was smudge. “Now I have to fix my makeup, and it’s all your fault!”
She plopped down on the chair facing her mirror, and she grabbed her makeup kit. Her hands shook.
A tense silence lengthened the room. She kept getting out arcane cosmetic tools, but she ain’t concentrate enough to use none and her haircurls be flopping afronta her eyes, so she put her makeup down to fix ’em, only for her hair to go flopagain, flopagain.
“How long was you wit’ him?” Thumper asked. It was the only question he could think of. His gruff baritone deepened the bedroom, chock-ablock with cast-off clothes and empty suitcases.
“Almost two months!” she said. She wiped tear-smudge eyeliner off her cheek. Then she took a long breath and managed to slather a couple layers of makeup on.
“So it weren’t too serious-” Thumper frowned at her through the mirror she still faced.
“It was serious! He loved me! He was the most popular guy in high school!”
“You livin’ in the past, guhl. Need to chillax. Ain’t you done graduate?”
“I said was!” she said. “It was serious. You don’t know anything about girls.” She scowled and turned to look at Thumper direct in his gaze. “I’m not missing putt-putt today. If I don’t show up, everyone will think Caden won.” She gritted her teeth. “So you have to be my partner. All the other girls will have a boyfriend. But I’ve got my babysitter — the discount Mike Tyson. I was the biggest loser in school, Wendell, you know that? Everybody hates me.”
He frowned at her. “Them girls seem to like you-“
“You don’t get them,” she said. She batted her eyes to fix her smudge mascara. “They’re like catastrophic bitches.”
“Why they yo’ friends?”
She turned her head to look at him direct. Her lips remained pursed, lipstick in hand. “You really don’t understand girls, do you?” She finally applied the lipstick, the color of fancy wine.
“I ain’t barely see no female for thirty-four years,” he said. “Not since I was your age.”
She got up and muttered to herself as she checked out her face from a couple different angles. She tweaked her hair, which still blocked her face, then leaned forward to pose as a golfer. She examined in the mirror what she’d look like from that angle. She said, “Okay, I’m ready. Let’s go before we’re…” She glanced at him, and her ears perked up like a excited fox. “Wait, what did you say?”
“I barely done seed not a single female until recent-like. I was in prison,” he said. His tongue felt too big for his mouth, and he looked down at his feet. He felt her eyes drilling into him.
“For thirty-four years?”
He nodded.
She was took far aback, but she fussed with a floppy-woppy hat with fake flowers in it as she said, “Ew, that is so gross. Don’t tell anybody, okay?” She left the room, and Thumper followed. “That is… I don’t even know how to take that. My dad is so weird. He’s a freak. So are you. If Caroline knew you were a ex-con, she’d totally spazz out, she got trauma from a black guy on the transit who was, like, yelling crazy loud this one time, it was so insane. Oh look at me, I got trauma, I got so much trauma. That is so her, could she be more of a pick-me try-hard?”

“Uh… Uh-huh.” Thumper ain’t get how those words added up to a question. Miriam was on the move regardless, so he followed her.

“Are you good at putt-putt?”
“You keep saying that, but I dunno what it is. It sound like butt-butt. So yes,” he said.
“Ew,” Miriam said with a petite smile. “It’s mini-golf.”
So that was how Thumper wound up playing putt-putt, which was just small golf with nonsense in the way. The putt-putt place crawled with fresh-face drunkos, even though it was still morning. One group of late teens from “HoCo” joined Miriam and her girlfriends’ game. Thumper was suspicious because they was lidded from the get-go, on something more than alcohol — Thumper couldn’t tell what, but they was walking like dream-scented swaypots with plump pupils, and they ain’t seem to know what was going on.
The putt-putting ain’t get very far. Folks was drunken fucking afronta the mini-windmill, so they gotsta skip that hole. Thumper woulda stayed to watch, but the girlie-gals declared it gross. The gorilla hole got a pool of puke, and they all agreed that was gross, so they skipped that hole too. Then Miriam’s friends got to making kissy lips with they boyfriends, and the game more or less stopped entirely.
“You can’t hang around me all day,” Miriam eventually said. She stood on her lonesome except for Thumper, both of them frumping frowns at the necking teenyboppers. “Go on, get outta here, we’re not really playing the game anyway. The boys all think I’m with you, which is just so disgusting. You could be my grandfather, if you smelled like flatbread instead of newspaper.” She snorted down a laugh.
“I ain’t leavin’ you.”
Miriam sighed. “I’m not gonna put out. You don’t have to watch me to make sure I don’t. Did my dad tell you to check I don’t fuck Caden?”
Thumper furrowed his brow at her. He licked his teeth. “Yo’ daddy said I should keep Caden from takin’ advantage of you. That’s what Caden wanted, you know that, right? He was putting malt liquor down yo’ throat so you’d pass out and he could plow yo’ lady-garden. Or maybe he go knocking on your back door.” He knocked on a imaginary door in the air.
She looked upside at him. “Eww…! What? He wouldn’t…”
Thumper scoffed. “He would. Guarantee that. That’s why he put his disappoint face on when he seen me.”
“He’s not that bad, Wendell. My dad just hates his father, that’s the only reason he doesn’t like Caden,” Miriam said. She shook her head and feisty-growled. “Whatever, grr, you suck, and Caden sucks. Nobody will ask me out as long as you’re around.”
“Why don’t you ask one? I seen you eyeballing deep into that tall drink of watuh over there,” he said. There bin this long-leg stretchy-arm pinkthumb following the group around — his gawky butt ain’t got a female or even any male friends. He be loitering like a forgettable spider.
“Rick? Okay, first of all, he’s a total freak, and I can’t believe you’d suggest him. He’s like the only one in the whole school who’s as much of a loser as me, to have to go to Baltimore College like some ghetto trash piece of shit. No offense. Second of all, I can’t just walk up to a boy and ask him out. That’s not how this works-“
“Why not?”
“I’m not a man!” she said. “Maybe you don’t get it cuz you were in prison for so long. I have to let boys ask me out. I’m not a skank like Lisa Ann Slattery. She’ll go right up to any guy, even like… Puerto Rican guys.” You could tell she woulda said ‘black guys’ if she was with her friends. “You don’t know her, but she’s a total gutter-skank. With so many guys here, if she came on this trip she’d be like slipping on her own snail trail. Everybody knows, she’s so trashy. She’s, like, my best friend who couldn’t be here.”
They putt-putt was interrupted then by a torrent of female laughs, as a gaggle of gigglous golf-club-carrying girls ganged the course. Thumper stood afront Miriam at first, presumptittive that they was gunning for her.
But they phone screens was friends with her friends’ phone screens, so all them white girls mingled like saucy noodles, sharing infinite commentary and considerations on unspecific plans to go clubbing tonight. Thumper heard more words than he heard in thirty-four years in prison.
Thumper growled but assented to the nightclubbery. He couldn’t think of a reason to say no besides “clubs is crowded”, which was true, but Ocean City was crowded. So Thumper and themwhoms went back to the beachhouse, where he rested his weary ears, while Miriam and them other girls tried on every single article of clothing any them brung. They took photos of theyselfs with they phones and then used some kinda phone magic to make the photos hotter, then assured each other that they was really that pretty.
Finally they made it to the boardwalk nightclub, which was battered by oceanfront winds, while waves battered the beach underneath. The moon beamed bright as babies against the shore, and the boardwalk was lit like a stage due to the rows of nightclubs and souvenir shops that stayed open late spilling light and drunken collegiate kittens.
He struggled keeping track of Miriam in the elbowy nightclub. He kept an eye on her the best he could though, specially once she got to dancing with this darkskin roundbody with polished eyes and a chocolate nugget for a face. He was older than her, and he rubbed Thumper sideways from the first moment.
So Thumper waited for Miriam and her girlfriends to herd off to the ladies’ to phone around in a different room, then he got up real close to him. “Yo, nigga,” he said, direct into his ear so his voice would drown out the clanging clatter (which was maybe a band called “Dubstep” and sounded like computers being tortured). The nigga threw his slick eyebrows back — there weren’t barely a handful of niggas in this room, and Thumper gotta be the eldest. That chocolate-nugget nigga stumbled a step aside like a folding napkin. Thumper stayed near enough that he could talk clear over the loud thrum of shitty music. “Yo, nigga, you hear me? You best treat that girl right. If you plow her, I will rip yo’ nuggety head off and send it to her daddy wit’ a bow on top and a card fo’ him to sign fo’ yo’ grief-sicken mama.” That nigga’s eyes bugged his mug out, as Thumper fingered a line of tears down one cheek. He said, “You may lick Miriam’s pussy, but only if you good at it. Stick yo’ tongue out.” His tongue trembled outta his mouth. In the dark of the club and swaddled in that terrible tune, ain’t nobody see his terrified tongue and Thumper’s face atop it. “Nah. You got babytongue, nigga. Hand stuff only. But don’t break her maidenhead if she still got one. Or I will wreck you.”
The chocolate nugget nodded, just in time for Miriam to return from the ladies’ room. She looked at Thumper like he shouldn’t be talking to her man, then she sidled up close to his butterface and they got to dancing again. Thumper stayed back but made sure that clumpy chump saw how close he was observating.
When Miriam and her girlfriends headed outta the club, Thumper kept close behind. They was all kissing they boys hard and hot. That chocolate nugget held Miriam’s hand and shot her flirtsome smiles, but he ain’t do more than give her a peck on the cheek.
“He doesn’t like me,” she said when his babytongue fucked off without even no handiwork, leaving her surrounded by her girlfriends and they wooing boys. They was all playing with they phones between making moist lips upon the moonlit beach, but Miriam trudged back to the beachhouse with a sniffle and a droopy neck, Thumper close behind. “I thought he did. He asked me to dance. He prolly thought I was beautiful in the dark, in the club, but once we got out in the street with all the lights, he saw what I really look like.”
“Nah, Miriam, he ain’t drop you like that,” Thumper said. “He tryin’-a treat you proper, I ‘xpect. He shouldn’t be trying nothin’ on you on your first date. You don’t wanna screw around the night you met him, don’t be loose like that, like a greasy gravyboat-“
She hit him with hurtful eyes. “Ewww! Don’t say it like that, that’s so disgusting! I wasn’t gonna put out. But he’s supposed to try! Anyway, that wasn’t a date. It’s spring break. That’s not how it works on spring break. Or anytime this century,” she said. “I mean… Whatever, that wasn’t a prison reference.” She looked down at her feet before opening the sliding-glass door into the rental house. “I just wanted to…” She blew her curl outta her vision, but it dropped back in place. “I just wanted my friends to see me with him. I didn’t even really like him, not really… He’s tubby, and he has a weird forehead, it’s gross.”
“Yo’ friends is bitches, the boy you dance with is gross… Guhl, why don’chu spend time wit’ someone you like?”
She flared her pretty little nostrils. “You have a lot to learn about women.” She went into the bathroom then to take a shower. Thumper investigated the kitchen in hopes of food, but there weren’t none.
As the other couples came in to the beachhouse hoppy and sloppy, Thumper stood by the door so the boys would see him and know he was monitoring the situation. He crossed his arms over his chest.
Though Thumper weren’t hereing and nowing to defend the honor of these other females, he ain’t gonna let no scoundrel take advantage of ’em. Most the boys got the message from him standing over them, and a couple more slippt into slumber like sacks of sleepy peaches.
But one pair kept a-canoodling, until Thumper saw that the girl — Alexa or Alyssa or some white-girl shit like that — was barely awake. The long and tall honky atop her either ain’t notice or ain’t care.
So Thumper stood next to ’em and cleared his throat some.
The whiteboy, a dimple-pimple kindle-limb ruddynut cracker with a pointless tribal tattoo, looked up at Thumper with a tremor in his eyes and flustering fingers. He stood up, his pants tented. “I think, uh, she’s getting tired. Will you help me put her to bed?” he asked.
Thumper nodded. He ain’t trusting none those words tumbling outta that boy’s mouth, but he ain’t wanna leave the girl on the floor neither. So they carried her to her bed. Thumper ain’t need no help and coulda carried her hisself. That ruddynut boy, Adrian, got arms like twiggy pencils.
When they got back out to the living room, Adrian looked around the piles of shoes for his own. Thumper stood behind him, checking out Adrian’s pooper, cradled by tight jeans.
“Yo, why you wear tight pants?” Thumper asked.
Adrian yelped. He done found a pair shoes but got trouble coordating his drunk limbs enough to get them on. He looked at Thumper like he forgot he was there. “Whaaat?”
“Them pants. You spraypainted ’em on,” Thumper said.
“Oh. That’s the style,” Adrian said with a shrug and a burp. He fell over, toppling onto his ass with two shoes in hand — they was two sneakers that looked similar but wasn’t a matching pair — for one thing, they was both left-foot shoes.
“Uh-huh. You was gonna stick yo’ dingdong in that girl, wasn’t ya?” Thumper said.
Adrian nodded. “She wanted it real bad. She said it earlier.”
“But then she passed out,” Thumper said. He got one hand in his pants now, getting hisself good and hard. He kneeled beside Adrian, who done struggled one shoe on and held the laces like he was thinking about tying them. “You was still gonna stick her? That girl a virgin?”
Adrian shrugged. “Prolly not. But she nineteen, and gawddamn, man, her pussy wus tight. Got my finger in there, almost got to fuck her, but, uh…” He furrowed his face like he was trying-a remember why he ain’t get in her pussy.
“Lemme help wit’ them shoes,” Thumper said. He grabbed both Adrian’s feet and lifted them up, so Adrian fell onto his back on the carpeted floor. Thumper pulled Adrian’s pants and drawers off to bare his booty. “I’ll let you see how it feels when a bigger man takes advantage of you bein’ drunk.”
“Whaaat?” Adrian asked. He tried to sit up on his elbows, but Thumper was already drilling his dick into Adrian’s asshole. Adrian’s socked feet kicked the air behind Thumper.
That tight hole resisted. Thumper ain’t have no lube. He coulda snooped around the kitchen for something that’d work, but he kinda liked the idea of doing it the old-fashion way. He was a old-fashion nigga after all. Adrian sucked in his breath. Thumper spat on his palm and wiped it on his cocktip. He plowed in, just the tip, but stopped when more resistance stopped him from going deeper, and Adrian’s groan of pain turned first into wordless wince of silence. Thumper pushed past his tightness, and a couple inches more slid in.
“Oooh, boy, here we go now,” Thumper said with a chuckle, as Adrian panted and wriggled. His ass squeezed Thumper’s shaft. That made him shimmy with the sensations sparking up his spine. Adrian squirmed like a dying fish. He almost squirmed away, but Thumper got a grip on his neck, squeezing just enough to let Adrian know who was in charge here and to keep him from shouting out loud. He ain’t cut off his air entirely, so Thumper could hear his panting and begging.
“Oooooowww!” Adrian tried to howl, but Thumper plugged his mouth up with his own tongue. He kissed Adrian and swallowed up them cries of pain like oatmeal. He moaned into Adrian’s mouth too, as Adrian’s ass got goopy like a sloppy ho. Adrian’s eyes opened wide as Thumper pulled his lips off him, and then stuffed Adrian’s mouth with his own drawers. Adrian’s feet kicked up a storm, but he ain’t couldn’t make much noise.
And still Thumper pressed in deeper, deeper still with every thrust of his hips. Each movement sent a wave of pleasure through Thumper’s body. It reminded him of the coziness of prison — a small part of cell-bound life, but a part he missed. Getting a nut off in the dark, surrounded by sleeping whombodies… As he ramrodded like a stallion, Adrian’s hands clawed at Thumper’s chest, and that too felt like home.
He forced it in until his balls slapped at Adrian’s taint. Thwackity-thwack-thwack, thwackity-thwack-thwack. Thumper smirked down at Adrian, who still seemed unsure what was going on. He spat on Adrian’s face, then covered it with a pillow.
Adrian threw his head back, unaware of the spit on drip down his cheeks. He felt that asshole cracking open to accommodate Thumper’s throbbing manhood. He yelped the best he could despite the pain and the pillow blocking his face.
“Intact booties do be drawing out a nut quick, ruddynut. Goddamn, you gonna be walkin’ crooked fo’ a week. Hope you don’t got no sit-down engagements comin’ up,” Thumper boomed out a laugh along with his orgasm, and he gyrated his hips. “You gonna feel some warm inside ya. That’s just me-” Thumper’s voice broke, as he pressed his cock all the way in and held in Adrian’s asshole. That made it hard for Adrian to take a breath, and Thumper ground his dick in a long circle within Adrian’s guts. “That’s me nuttin’.”
A long hot jet of cum sploded in Adrian’s asshole, and he screamed into the pillow that muffled his mouth. Thumper held it there with one hand, as he moaned into Adrian’s ear. Wad after wad of sticky goo seeped into Adrian and dripped outta his loose ass.
“This’ll teach you to take advantage of females,” Thumper said with a sigh, while his balls emptied another spurt of jissom into Adrian’s tight booty. “Yo’ farts is gonna smell like me fo’ a long time. E’ery time you smell that, you remembuh to treat girls proper, ruddynut.”
Thumper pulled out and let his cumwad flow onto the carpet. He watched it plop out in a couple great big creamy wads, followed by a trickle of smaller droplets.
Just when he thinked it was done, and Adrian lifted his head to let out a crinkly grunt of pain, a loud farting sound came and a fist-sized globule of cum spurted out into Adrian’s plump asscheeks. Thumper done smashed ’em so hard they was already bruising.
“Shit, you one messy whiteboy,” Thumper said, at the sight of cum soaking onto the floor. He punched Adrian in the face hard enough to knock him out.
He carried Adrian over his shoulder out to the beach. He draped Adrian’s unconscious face on a bench, his knees on the ground so his bare ass was plainly accessible. Some them beach bums, Thumper thunk, was likely gonna get a nut off in him before he woke up.
That would be fun to watch, but Thumper ain’t wanna leave Miriam alone for so long. He hurried back to the beachhouse to make sure Miriam and the other girlies were safe. He was gonna go straight to bed, but he got worry about they morals, so he picked up all the sleepy-weepy boys and bringed them into his room. He put ’em on the floor. That way he could be sure they wasn’t gonna hurt none the females.
Plus, he thunk, he could get a nut off again in the night, if he felt like it. Which he almost certainly would.