- A nigga need a screwdriver and a building permit to eat a bitch out
You know bitches get they flaps contoured? They bleach they assholes too. Bleach! Asshole oughta be nasty, Thumper thunk, that’s how you know it’s worth it!
- A nigga should fuck a ugly bitch sometimes. That’s what it means to keep it real.
“You done piss me off! And that’s why I is makin’ you go through with it,” Thumper said. That part weren’t true, he was always gonna make Rico do it. A nigga should fuck a ugly bitch sometimes. That’s what it means to keep it real. Niggas don’t explain, you gotsta figger it out.
- All five of those years clung to him still like a fragrant armpit
To Rocky, it still felt like he got outta prison last night, like everything since then was a dream. He was unsure he’d ever acclimate to the outside world. He’d spent five years in there, and all five of those years clung to him still like a fragrant armpit
- All the neighborhoods they drove through was different
East Middle was fulla young white folk with unpleasant hairstyles.
- Back before, ain’t no nigga button up a shirt. Not a proper nigga anyway.
Carson wore a nice shirt he buttoned up like a white man. Or maybe niggas did that now, shit’s bullshit.
- Craving the nigga-heavy nights of a crowded cell
Though he ain’t want nobody to know it, Thumper looked forward to work, and the dawn couldn’t come early enough.
- Even Asians got retards now! Wouldn’t a-happened before!
Rico need a nigga to hold his hand every step of the way. Young folks is like that now!
- Every week the shit’s higher, hows gettin’ whyer
You can figure it out. It’s in the bible, all the wisdoms in the universe is in the bible.
- He might as well wear a dinosaur
The only stores he could hoof it to was a place just for tee shirts with dirty jokes on ’em, a “antifascist surf and skater joint” and a store that sold nurses’ scrubs to plus-size ladies.
- He need a niggaectomy
They can join the list of body parts that don’t work. His heart, his “bladder neck”, his left shoulder, his sinuses, some kinda flap in his throat, his knees and elbows, ankles, fingers, ears.
- How did every part of music get worse while he was locked up?
Thumper ain’t yet figure out how to listen to good, old music.
- Ironically, there wasn’t no name for the feeling she arouse in a nigga.
Swear to God, she flashed her tits at this one cholo in the Latin Kings, he turned back into a virgin. Erased all his tattoos, dick shrunk by four inches. True as math! Prison doc said he wouldn’t never win a fight again.
- Lazy-ass punks all over
Nowadays, in the free outside present-day here-and-now of the real world, early rising got niggas tripping, looking at Thumper like sad question marks when he said he got up at six.
- Mundanity über alles
He had seen everything the family business had to offer. It was a salad of humdrumity, plated on tedium and dressed in a viscous layer of ennui: databases and disputes about payroll software and paycheck garnishments, property tax abatements, negotiations over long-haul trucking and container ships at the filthy port of Houston. Mundanity über alles.
- Netflicks
Thumper saw a netflick, it was so boring he slept for five hours without getting up to piss.
- Obama ain’t do nothing!
Thumper microwaved a brick of frozen broccoli and cheese, cuz he was pretending to like broccoli, cuz the world was like that these days, cuz Obama ain’t do nothing!
- Plumbers still out there making bank, y’all!
He phoned out to see if he got a app that could build, deliver and install plumbing before his next poop.
But there ain’t no such app. Not everything’s a phone yet!
- Rico’s frown was exponential
Frowning spread like a bat virus while Thumper was locked up. Young folks be frowning at everything. Dissatisfaction rained like a queen’s pee-pee.
- Some squawky whiteboy on the radio pissed Thumper off like squawky whiteboys do
Cars went faster nowadays, or maybe time itself was faster.
- Tap-a-tap-tap, he snap-snackin’ on ya cash
Kids was phone-bullying other kids into stabbing they grandmas, lazy-eyed niggas was buying Russian wives on the phone, cauliflowery whiteboys be stealing the treasury on they phone and burning down schools, it happens, shit, look it up!
- That nigga was presenting like a tinfoil supervillain
The driver was a reflective-vest redbone with bleached hair, a shiny grill, steel rods in his eyebrows and a center-of-his-nose ring. That nigga was presenting like a tinfoil supervillain.
- The niggas ain’t do that when Steel was young. They just popped they collars and occasionally robbed a bodega.
But Rico and them, the kitkats, came to church cuz they committed aheada time and cuz Steel and Big John woulda tracked ’em down with fist-shape kisses if they ain’t show up or if they left partway through the night.
- The world is like a cookie in that they both crumbles
The tall one was like Serbian or some shit. Not a proper honky in Steel’s notions.
- They got Asian hobos now. Asians! Wouldn’t-a happened before
Thumper smoked weed on the reg, did lines of coke now and then, snorted heroin once when he thought it was coke, and he did something unpleasant called salvia that caused reality to ooze and twist like funnel-cake batter in hot oil.
- Whiteboy quality gone way down while Thumper was inside
Whiteboys don’t listen to funk no more, you know that? It got took from the whiteboy curriculum.
- You can text a eggplant to a pussy
Paychecks is on the phone too. Tap, zoooooop, boom, there it goes, paycheck gets emailed to the bank, taxes go out, money all gone. You don’t even gotta spend it.
- You know they don’t got jungle gyms no more?
You know they don’t got jungle gyms no more? That shit do emboggle a nigga’s brain. They ain’t even a thing. Put ’em in your phone and what comes up? Brazilian niggas lifting weights with sloths. Shit’s bullshit, nigga.
