Tag: church

Content

• Ain’t nobody allowed to moo at Vagina-Candy.
  Anyway, we’ll breeze past the next couple hours, cuz it was a buncha boredom, there was supper and some dumbass announcement from the warden — niggas was mooing at this prison guard named Vagina-Candy cuz he was Hindu and the rumor spread he couldn’t enforce a rule against nothing that moos, whenever Officer Vagina-Candy lead ...
• Arabs got good hat game
  The Lebanese barrack was dappled with sheets and them nightgown-like things they wore. It smelled of obscure spices, like some sorta stank potpourri, like grandma’s kitchen if yo’ grandmama was a hairy sailor.
• Blackbeard thought he was just importing rum and exporting dead sailors.
  Him and Big John did watch a lacrosse game a couple weeks back, when they was bored. It was free on the internet, which goes to show you how much money the lacrosse niggas thought there was in it (none, or they’d charge for it). Or possibly Steel pirated it. It was hard to tell sometimes. ...
• Chinese men shouldn’t have mustaches, but that’s another diversity, so Steel ain’t going there.
  He ugly for a Chinaman, they usually pretty, but he ugly, and he got unfortunate but accurate views on bwack men. Chinese men shouldn’t have mustaches, but that’s another diversity, so Steel ain’t going there.
• Clits pee a tax tour, y’all!
  You wanna hear something funny? Go find an episode of Masterchef, maybe season seven or eight or so, a young Chinese man fucks up. You will never hear anything funnier than a sobbing Chinaman attempting to say ‘crispy texture’, it’s hilarious. Clits pee a tax tour, y’all!
• Damn, there’s lotta kinds of whiteboys out there!
  He done inquisit regarding Mucker’s so-called friends, who was parta the “skater scene”. Also, Steel learned about the skater scene. It sounded like a buncha drinky-dinky whiteboys to Steel, most likely druggie-do-’ems too, but Mucker assured him that that was not a necessary parta “the scene”.
• Drink when it floods, nigga!
  In prison, Steel saw a documentary, and it turned out lizards drink mad water, like desert lizards when it floods, they be guzzling that! Lizards is wise motherfuckers. Drink when it floods, nigga!
• Every time like a watch.
  Steel was still letting the demon of alcoholism haunt his brain, so he ain’t even conisder saying no. Addiction gonna put you in that position every single time. Every time! Every time like a watch.
• every week the shit’s higher, hows gettin’ whyer
  He was keeping it real, keeping it tight, let sleeping tits lie, his feeling hits rye, the bottle’s a liar, steeples inspire, God’s turtles is dire, this nigga’s feet spits fire, and every week the shit’s higher, hows gettin’ whyer, buyers flipping whiter hips for hire. Steel do now sit in the wisdom of God’s ...
• Fallen soldiers
  Well, that metaphor was outta control — outta control like a drunk! Or a war!
• I sees it wit’ my ever-belovin’ eyeballs
  “Bottles all ovuh, hallelujah! Only Jaysus can pick up aftuh me! Oh Lord hallelujah! Lord gimme strength to see! With eyes of knowin’!”
• If it ain’t Christ, it ain’t right!
  They was something, and whatever they was, it wasn’t right.
• Lem blamed the Haitians, cuz they was like that and cuz he was like that.
  After that, the convo turned to who was suspected of being the rig thief, cuz that was the hot topic of the moment. Somebody was stealing shit outta personal effects, and it was causing ripples all over the rig. Lem blamed the Haitians, cuz they was like that and cuz he was like that. Steel ...
• Like a fish denying water is real
  He flapped his hands at his ears — presumably his impression of a fish’s gills — Avery suspected Steel did not know what gills were.
• Mainly just the Arabs took the actual barracks, and Steel won’t comment on they body hair cuzza the diversity.
  Mainly just the Arabs took the actual barracks, and Steel won’t comment on they body hair cuzza the diversity.
• Not that he subscribes to no brownism.
  It was important for a darkskin nigga like Rico to learn how to get a nut off. Steel ain’t as darkskin as Rico, Steel’s a duckydoo, but lighter than that. Not that he subscribes to no brownism. From tarry doodoo to pale sand, nigga! U.N.I.T.Y.! Steel almost got a backstage pass to a Queen Latifah ...
• Occupational conventions are the devil’s pot roast
  Steel said he had to come along because “occupational conventions are the devil’s pot roast”. Avery had never thought about pot roast like that.
• Old niggas don’t get the boot!
  The bus was full, filled to the brim. Filled fulla seniors! Seniors for Christ! Old ladies mostly, couple fellahs keeping it real, you know an old nigga get plenty of dusty snatch, cuz there ain’t many of ’em. Root-a-toot-hoot! Old niggas don’t get the boot!
• Portugal’s a fucked-up place
  Lem got theories on why Italians was so awful, and he explainified them to Steel till Steel told him to get on with it.
• she got tits like liquid polar bears in sacs of milk and honey
  the women here was the kinda sturdy, trashy bitch who prolly got names like Wilma or Sparkplug.
• So come-to-me-bro turned to come-at-me-brah, and he and him switched from brothers in Christ to niggas in crisis
  Lotta niggas enter the halfway home thinking they’s on the pretend about following the straight and narrow. But things you pretend are true have a way of coming true, so Steel let that lie lie. Or he let it lay. He done lain it to lie. Whatever, Steel don’t call Tyrell out on coming home stoned, ...
• Steel lost the thread of this metaphor.
  The best way to fight addiction is to do it before it starts. Nibble it in the butt!
• Straight-up drunk as a trunk!
  Steel be making good comparisons, you’re impressed by them.
• Temptations all over like tits on a trampoline
  Concerts is for drink-a-linking and druggie-do-dos, every concert got temptations all over like tits on a trampoline!
• That do make a nigga think!
  Ain’t it crazy how all locker rooms smell like honky feet? Even the ones white people don’t use.
• That’s how they get ya, for every definition of “they” and “get” and “ya”
  Anyway again, he did it again, and then again, cuz Whiteness pressured him into doing it a third time. And then Steel knew he was in a bad place. That’s how they get ya, for every definition of “they” and “get” and “ya”. A nigga be purporting he can say no right up until the ...
• The fence-post of your brain-yard
  “That metaphor got away from me, Avery, sorry ’bout that. But I can help you wit’ any of them succumbations.”
• The fourdained road
  That’s yo’ addiction layin’ its toll on yo’ mind, like a toll road on yo’ mind, chargin’ a toll… in yo’ mind. Yo’ mind is both the road and the destination. And the toll.
• The grass is always greener on the other side of a white man, that’s what Steel always says. He’d make a great cow.
  Put a buncha white men together, they end up smelling like a loaf of bread slathered in mayonnaise and kept in a cool dark place
• The niggas ain’t do that when Steel was young. They just popped they collars and occasionally robbed a bodega.
  But Rico and them, the kitkats, came to church cuz they committed aheada time and cuz Steel and Big John woulda tracked ’em down with fist-shape kisses if they ain’t show up or if they left partway through the night.
• The skate park of sobriety
  On the skateboard of sobriety, I’mma be yo’, uh… wheels, I guess — I dunno how skateboards work.
• The whiteboy shorts situation is out of control
  Whiteboys wear long shorts these days! They’s practically pants! What’s up with that?
• The world is like a cookie in that they both crumbles
  The game was over, the niggas won, cuz of course they did, and, ‘cept for that white giant, both teams was niggas, cuz of course they was. That’s how the world crumbles or however that goes. The world is like a cookie in that they both crumbles, that’s a wisdom right there! Tony was rooting ...
• They shoulda sent a poet, y’all!
  Winston Steel got no desire to drink. He been clean as a fiend for nine months. A female could birth a baby in that time. All it takes is a lady, a dingdong and the good Lord above! And health insurance and a midwife and at least one Asian and a hospital and thousands of ...
• Walsely “Whiteness” Dallyrimple
  The grass is always greener on the other side of a white man, that’s what Steel always says. He’d make a great cow.
• Water water everywhere but not a drop to drink
  He hid that notion under his domey-doodle though.
• Whine like wine
  Drunkie-doorights stay complaining! The only cure for that is more sobriety!
• Whiteboys don’t notice nothing
  That’s prolly why they’s white, they ain’t notice the line to get in to be borned a nigga.
• Wine is how the devil corrupts the grape
  “You as dis’ppointing as that movie — that dumb one, wit’ the wine — got that Asian chick who look like a horse — you ever see that one? — Nevermind, I can’t remember — you done dis’ppoint me, son.”
• you google it
  She was built like a sexy skunk, like that French one, ass like a barrel of love, shit! Steel wanna dip his dingdong in that bitch like she the spicy mustard from McDonald’s, she got black hair with sorta curls, but not you know, and anyway, she talk like an angel, she got one them ...
• You know Steel stays listening to Some Nigga
  Some nigga said the whole rig was counted as a boat under the law, so any alcohol was tantamount to boating under the influence, and you know Steel stays listening to Some Nigga.