Wojo (Frankie Wojohowitz) – Mansploitation

Sugarcane

Tommy took him to this cane plantation outside of Nassau. You ever see a sugarcane plantation? It’s crazy dense. Sugarcane is like a grass, basically, pretty much, but like big, it’s like the tree of the grass world.
Anyway, they didn’t go into the cane plantation, they walked down the road alongside it, past dozens of men cutting down thick groves or tufts or whatever you call ’em of sugarcane. Tommy don’t say where he was taking Wojo, but not cuz he was keeping it a secret,— Tommy started explaining but ended up telling a long story involving him getting drunk on rum with a bunch of Cuban caneworkers. Judging from the way they called out to him and raised their machetes and Tommy called back in fluent Spanish, Wojo guessed it was these very caneworkers that Tommy got drunk with.
Tommy always finds someone to get drunk with. He could be lost in Antarctica, he’d somehow find some freaks to get drunk with and a minimally attractive woman to have sex with. It’s his superpower. That and the languages thing.

From Wojo the Action Hero

Wojo the Action Hero

Wojo is a bricklayer whose Marine Corps days are far behind him… until his old Navy buddy Tommy turns up

Continue reading Wojo the Action Hero

“Hey, you saw that one white nurse, right? With the tits? Wit’ duh Philly accen’, ya jabroni,” Tommy said

“The dark-haired one. Don’t tell me you never noticed those tits, man. They were like milkshakes, swear to God, tasted like ’em too. Most Philly chicks taste like a parking lot, but you know, she was nice. She’da totally sucked your dick, bro. You shoulda asked her.”

“Hey, you saw that one white nurse, right? With the tits? Wit’ duh Philly accen’, ya jabroni,” Tommy said when they ate, and he really nailed the accent. They was at the McDonald’s by the port in Nassau. “I fucked her the other night.”
“Oh wait, you mean — Doris?”
“No, not the old one!” Tommy said. “The dark-haired one. Don’t tell me you never noticed those tits, man. They were like milkshakes, swear to God, tasted like ’em too. Most Philly chicks taste like a parking lot, but you know, she was nice. She’da totally sucked your dick, bro. You shoulda asked her.”

From Wojo the Action Hero

it’s called civilization, shit!

He sat there like a tumor while Tommy and the shepherdy Omani gabbed along, and then, before Wojo knew it, he was heading into the steam baths of Muscat and the shepherdy one was already undressing before they even got in there. Mad back hair! Wojo don’t wanna judge the Omani culture, but they got too much body hair! Wojo do get his chest hair growing over his shoulder onto his back sometimes, but he gets his neighbor Avery to shave it, it’s called civilization, shit!

From Wojo the Action Hero

When they was young, it was different, Wojo had raging hormones, he let the wiles of sin get the better of him.

Pam wouldn’t even show up on Tommy’s radar, like a Jurassic Park thing, he only sees women who got a certain level of crazy, and Pam might as well be invisible to him.

Tommy was an eternal bachelor, that was another reason thinking of him got Wojo thinking of Pam too. Tommy never done did have a real girlfriend. He just bed ’em, like mad seducing, he seduces ’em like mad. Wojo don’t agree with that lifestyle. When they was young, it was different, Wojo had raging hormones, he let the wiles of sin get the better of him. He savvier now. Bet! He go to church.
But Tommy still live like he don’t know he’s almost forty.
Not that Wojo’s much better. He still don’t propose to Pam. Even though she pretty as anything, she not the kinda woman who would mess with a man like Tommy. She too valuable to put herself out there like that. Tommy would never propose to her, and she would know that, she could sniff it out. Pam’s the committing type. Not Tommy. Tommy’d say Pam was boring.
Pam ain’t boring. She may not be like a roller-coastery kind of woman, like Tommy is into, he likes whores and the kinda woman who stabbed her aunt and her hobby is daring drunk guys to steal a cop’s gun (that’s a real lady, Tommy was fucking her back a couple years ago — she died in a jetski “misadventure” — she was mad crazy). Pam was nice. Pam was the opposite of the kinda woman Tommy liked. Tommy’d tease Wojo for loving a boring woman. Pam wouldn’t even show up on Tommy’s radar, like a Jurassic Park thing, he only sees women who got a certain level of crazy, and Pam might as well be invisible to him. If Wojo married Pam, Tommy would come to the wedding though, bet! Bet! He’d find a way. Wojo wouldn’t wanna schedule the wedding until he was sure Tommy was safe, cuz Wojo don’t wanna get married without Tommy as his best man. Maybe seeing Wojo get married would make Tommy settle.

From Wojo the Action Hero

A lotta people would say that was like mad romance.

There was a violinist, words written with accent marks and all! Wine, roses. Classic romance. Bet!

Last night, Wojo and Pam went to L’Assiette Pleine. That was a fancy joint, cuz it was French. He had veal! Wojo thought it would be romantic, and it was, or at least it seemed that way at the time. There was a violinist, words written with accent marks and all! Wine, roses. Classic romance. Bet! A lotta people would say that was like mad romance.

From Wojo the Action Hero

Cunnilingus

Deon knew Wojo had a girlfriend. Deon thought it was hilarious that he hooked up with this thick black girl — Deon was tiny, this lady was like three times his size — and she said she knew Wojo, they went out a couple times awhile ago, and she said Wojo licked her, yu’know, down there, so good she cried. Maybe Deon was self-conscious that his bitsy tongue couldn’t pleasure her as good. And Wojo’s cheeks always turned red when Deon talked about him eating out black girls like it was a different, more rarefied skill than eating out white girls.

From Wojo the Action Hero

Wojo the Action Hero

Wojo is a bricklayer whose Marine Corps days are far behind him… until his old Navy buddy Tommy turns up

Continue reading Wojo the Action Hero

Every Inch a King

At the brothel Lipsweet, Vivienne rules as queen, and the many roughnecks who come through are her subjects… But when

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The Fat Cop

Bart is out and about when a violent encounter leads to him meeting the hunkiest of pudgy cops — Officer

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The Cocky Gangsta Bottoms

Braxton has gotta do something for his girlfriend, and that means letting the twinky barber Desmond go to town all

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The Gigolo

Galeno is a gigolo who makes love to women for money, but he just might be willing to service Teddy

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The Raunchy Construction Worker

Rob happens upon a crude, catcalling construction worker, and that gives him an idea for his next rough trade target:

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The Warehouseman

Rob thought he was in for a boring day when he runs into a studly young black man in a

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The Fat Jock Bottoms

A lot of rugby jocks are six-packed hunks with perfect physiques… Orson Gammond is not one of them. He’s desperate

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The Tennis Pro

Rob helps a handsome tennis pro sneak around with a married woman, and in exchange Rob gets to swing on

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The Jock

Avery is a masseur who finds himself servicing a studly if idiotic football jock! His name is Jimmy, he knows

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The Hick

Ray is investigating a poacher when he winds up in the legendary Smashwood Trailer Park. That’s where he meets up

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The Trucker

Rob is in for a rough time when he stops at a Ramwide Truck Stop. That’s a chain whose locations

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The Macho

Sasha is refurbishing a house in California, and that means hiring a painter. When he winds up with the burly

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Anyway, she got nice tits.

he like to think he’d eat her out if she want, but he got a feeling Hindu bitches got nasty

Continue reading Anyway, she got nice tits.

She prolly want him doing dishes and shit

And she get worried a man gonna home-invade her and rape her, she do get worries about that.

That was the kind of spontaneous fun a man can’t do when he got a woman at home. And even moreso if he got kids there! She prolly want him doing dishes and shit. And she get worried a man gonna home-invade her and rape her, she do get worries about that. Smashwood ain’t that kinda hood though, Wojo explained that to her, but you know how women is, Pam don’t care, she say she saw a man looking at her in a hungry way. There’s alotta black guys in Smashwood.

From Wojo the Action Hero

The purpose of a man is to labor to make his queen happy.

Wojo shrugged. “I do.” Wojo put his hands on his waist. “I just don’t know if she’s, you know… perfect for me. Like she wanna go to church tonight to watch a movie, they was having a movie night, yu’know, and uh, I just… I ain’t like that. I likes to stay home and shit. Bet!”

All anyone talks about nowadays is Wojo proposing to Pam. Everybody ‘cept for Pam, who wouldn’t never bring it up. “Nah,” Wojo said. He stood there in his underwear, which he then tugged down. Wojo sighed. “I do… I love her, I do. I just…”
Mr. Yancey said, “I thought you loved her.”
Wojo shrugged. “I do.” Wojo put his hands on his waist. “I just don’t know if she’s, you know… perfect for me. Like she wanna go to church tonight to watch a movie, they was having a movie night, yu’know, and uh, I just… I ain’t like that. I likes to stay home and shit. Bet!”
“Did you tell her you don’t wanna go?”
“Not ‘xactly,” Wojo said. “She get salty.”
Mr. Yancey clucked his tongue. “You gotta please ya woman, Frankie. The purpose of a man is to labor to make his queen happy.” He gave Wojo’s cock a squeeze.

From Wojo the Action Hero

Pastor Steve is always rubbing Wojo’s shoulders and shit.

Women got an infinite hunger for talking about other women. Wojo do not share that hunger.

Not that Wojo had any problems with church. He was a Christian man. But he don’t wanna watch Labyrinth yet again at church, with all them busy-bodies. Pastor Steve is always rubbing Wojo’s shoulders and shit.
And Wojo couldn’t sit with her! Pastor Steve don’t allow the unmaritals to sit next to each other on movie nights. That was both a blessing and a curse. A curse cuz Wojo only went to be with Pam, so if he gotta sit among the men, then what was the point? A blessing cuz it meant Wojo don’t really gotta watch the whole movie.
Tonight, by the time Jennifer Connelly got to the hands, Wojo and Pastor Steve and a couple others was off to the church’s gym, where they lifted weights and talked about baseball. That part was fine. Wojo’d rather sit and watch teevee at home with Pam though. The one with the big city cop who solves murders in a small town is pretty good.
On the way back to Smashwood that night, Pam told Wojo about the hot gossip she picked up among the ladies of First Grace. Wojo dunno how she watched the movie while hearing all the rumors. She done grapevine out tidbits on all the women who wasn’t there tonight. Wojo listened to ’em all. Women got an infinite hunger for talking about other women. Wojo do not share that hunger.

From Wojo the Action Hero

She talks like a professor, but a professor who only studies things that don’t matter.

Pam seemed to spend her days coming up with tasks and complaints. Last night, she made Wojo take her to a Bonita Casita in downtown Amarillo. That was a home goods store. She wanted curtains. What was wrong with the existing curtains in the trailer? She couldn’t put it into words. She said they was kinda you know, or whatever, they was . They was bum-tickety, that was Wojo’s madeup characterization of her blathering on uninformatively about them’s faults. Bum-tickety.
Wojo couldn’t never have done come up with more than like five words about curtains. Color and size. What else is there? Some of ’em have like patterns and that, the fancy ones do. Not Wojo’s. Somehow Pam was gabbing about ’em for hours. Hours! Bet! She coulda writ a novel!
And Wojo don’t mind. He like spending time with her. But he only got a little time at the end of the day, and he don’t wanna spend it wandering around some fufu store looking at curtains. You know there’s different kinda curtains? Bunchesa kinds. Wojo just had them blackout curtains. The only purpose to a curtain was to black out the light, right? So the best curtain must block out all the light. Henceforth, blackout curtains. Forget about it! Pam got other ideas. She got lotsa ideas about curtains. She like different colors and fabrics and some got like belts and sashes and stuff, like a beauty pageant. They was all less effective — and therefore worse, as Wojo saw it — than the plain gray blackout curtains he already had
Unless you get more windows, why would you ever buy new curtains? They don’t go bad! Bet!
He don’t always like being the center of attention. Maybe that was what was weird about living with Pam. There was only the two of ’em, so her attention was always on him — or on curtains — and she expected him to always be paying attention to her. It was exhausting. When they watch something on teevee, she talk during the commercials and that, shoot! She do talk like she don’t realize Wojo just saw the same dang thing. She talks like a professor, but a professor who only studies things that don’t matter.

From Wojo the Action Hero