A nigga should fuck a ugly bitch sometimes. That’s what it means to keep it real.

“You done piss me off! And that’s why I is makin’ you go through with it,” Thumper said. That part weren’t true, he was always gonna make Rico do it. A nigga should fuck a ugly bitch sometimes. That’s what it means to keep it real. Niggas don’t explain, you gotsta figger it out.

“I don’t wanna fuck with Jamella,” Rico said. Thumper ain’t tell him he set up a threesome til it was too late for Rico to back out.
“Uh-huh,” Thumper said with a shrug. “You don’t gotta enjoy it. Get drunk first. It’ll be okay. You can just lick her pussy while I fuck her-“
“Ewwwcck, no way!”
“You ain’t lemme finish, nigga,” Thumper said. He waited until Rico quieted his frown, then Thumper said, “You can lick her pussy while I fuck her gooo-ood.”
“I ain’t doin’ that,” Rico said. He shook his head like a owl. “No way. That’s so nasty.”
“You don’t lick pussy?”
“Not while a old nigga is fuckin’ it!”
“Aw, c’mon, nigga. I’ll let you slurp on my dick,” Thumper said.

“No!” Rico screwed up his face like a screw. “I wanna go to a New Year’s party,” he said. “I’m sure there’s a bunch. I saw some on LocalNights.” Rico paused. “That’s that app-“
“What’d I say ’bout tellin’ me to get a app-?” Thumper wagged his finger at Rico.
“I didn’t say to download it! I just said what it is!” He threw his hands up.
“You is — shit, nigga — I don’t wanna hear about no app! I wanna do things the right way!”
“Okay, okay, okay-“
Thumper side-eyed Rico. “Watchin’ videos of other niggas playing video games, shit, nigga…”
“I’m not, I didn’t! I didn’t put that on!” Rico said. He gestured to the teevee, which was off. “Damn, old nigga!”

“You done piss me off! And that’s why I is makin’ you go through with it,” Thumper said. That part weren’t true, he was always gonna make Rico do it. A nigga should fuck a ugly bitch sometimes. That‘s what it means to keep it real. Niggas don’t explain, you gotsta figger it out. “You can’t back out now.”
“It’s not backing out, I never agreed! I You only just told me.”
“That’s right, I told you.” Thumper grabbed Rico’s ass through his clean jeans. His white bitch was with her girlfriends tonight. They got a New Year’s Eve tradition, and it don’t involve sucking Rico’s dick, so he got nothing to do.
“Get off me, old nigga!” Rico said, slapping Thumper’s hand away. “I’s serious, that old bitch is ugly! I don’t wanna fuck her!”
“I’ll turn the lights off,” Thumper said. And he meant that too. Jamella weren’t ugly, but she was prettier in the dark. He ain’t yet say that Rico was gonna hafta lick her asshole to open it up, so Thumper could fuck it. Thumper do that hisself most times, but he was tired of the taste, and Rico got a nice clean tongue.

From Deep on the Downlow

Plumbers still out there making bank, y’all!

He phoned out to see if he got a app that could build, deliver and install plumbing before his next poop.
But there ain’t no such app. Not everything’s a phone yet!

“Where is this cabin, the nineteenth century? Shit, nigga!” Rico stamped his foot, furrowing his handsome forehead at the buckets like they might turn into a shower somehow. He phoned out to see if he got a app that could build, deliver and install plumbing before his next poop.
But there ain’t no such app. Not everything’s a phone yet! Plumbers still out there making bank, y’all!

From The Ex-Con, the Prettyboy Thug and Gang Loyalty

You can text a eggplant to a pussy

Paychecks is on the phone too. Tap, zoooooop, boom, there it goes, paycheck gets emailed to the bank, taxes go out, money all gone. You don’t even gotta spend it.

“You said I gotta have a job. I got a job. It ain’t illegal. I do what I is told. I pay taxes, got a bank account and e’rrything.” Thumper phoned out to show Mr. Perry the bank app. “The bank is on my phone, swear to God, Mistuh Perry, it’s real. Rajesh showed me how. You just tap on it. Paychecks is on the phone too. Tap, zoooooop, boom, there it goes, paycheck gets emailed to the bank, taxes go out, money all gone. You don’t even gotta spend it. You know strippers get paid by phone too? You can text a eggplant to a pussy. Modern world is bullshit, suh.”

From Thumper Meets the Ultimate Evil