music – Mansploitation

Rico’s frown was exponential

Frowning spread like a bat virus while Thumper was locked up. Young folks be frowning at everything. Dissatisfaction rained like a queen’s pee-pee.

Rico’s eyes went open wide. “What if I wanna fuck a bitch?”
Thumper shrugged. “If she down, we’ll double-tap her. Thwack-thwack. That’s our balls slappin’ togethuh, nigga. Mine’s the louder sound. Thwack-thwack-“
“Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah-” Rico was doing his best impression of a broken record. But Thumper got no time for naysaying.
Bet nobody even knows what a “broken record” is no more. Thumper asked Rico how a nigga listen to music nowadays, and Rico stopped his complaining about the bed long enough to give a very complicated answer. It was basically “on the phone”, nigga gotta call into some cloud or something. He kept saying “I Heart Radio”, but then when Thumper said there was music on the radio, Rico reacted like Thumper just lit a baby on fire.

He was mad on the frown train. Rico was a conductor on that train. He frowned at every single thing Thumper took outta his duffel bag. Thumper’s clothes was old and faded and mouse-nibbled, which made Rico double his frown. Thumper’s soap was in bar form, which Rico said was old-fashioned and awful — apparently a enlightened modern-day nigga do use “body wash” — that led to another doubling of Rico’s frown. Thumper had a box of tea, which Rico said only elderly honkies drank. Rico’s frown was exponential by then.
That turned out to be a theme with young people. Frowning spread like a bat virus while Thumper was locked up. Young folks be frowning at everything. Dissatisfaction rained like a queen’s pee-pee.

From Deep on the Downlow

Alpha Punks, Rockers and Metalheads

Avery is at it again, this time seeking out the studliest of punks, rockers, metalheads and more! He’ll always do what it takes to get a taste of the alpha male meat he craves.

Can he handle bottoming for these musical alphas?… And can he top them too?!?!

Read it now!

Whiteboy quality gone way down while Thumper was inside

Whiteboys don’t listen to funk no more, you know that? It got took from the whiteboy curriculum.

And he liked that Yammy appreciated the Fatback. Whiteboys don’t listen to funk no more, you know that? It got took from the whiteboy curriculum. Whiteboy quality gone way down while Thumper was inside.

From Thumper the Mover

How did every part of music get worse while he was locked up?

Thumper ain’t yet figure out how to listen to good, old music.

On the way, Thumper ain’t play no music in the truck, and Mr. Gregarian was okay with that, or at least he ain’t complain. Thumper liked the sound of the engine and the wind cracking past like gusts of freedom. Thumper ain’t yet figure out how to listen to good, old music — every music-listening method required multiple steps he’d have to look up how to do. How did every part of music get worse while he was locked up?

From Thumper the Booty Bandit

Goddamn modern music was awful

The limp-beat rap music from the party drowned out his voice and threatened to ruin Thumper’s erection — goddamn modern music was awful, no wonder every male under forty was impotent incompetents.

From Thumper on Parole

Like dance music for people with retarded ears

He called hisself a deejay, which meant looking studious when he played a pointless track of beats, no funk, no rapping, no singing, no guitar, just some boom-tiss, boom-tiss bullshit, like dance music for people with retarded ears.

“Yo, yo bro,” Vimook said, sidling up to Thumper like a side of spicy rice, after Vimook finished his ‘deejay set’ — he called hisself a deejay, which meant looking studious when he played a pointless track of beats, no funk, no rapping, no singing, no guitar, just some boom-tiss, boom-tiss bullshit, like dance music for people with retarded ears. “Heard you got out the big joint.”

From Thumper on Parole

Disappointing rock music dribbled out the speakers like a pansy’s nut

Every nobody in this bar stared at him, none them listening to the disappointing rock music that dribbled out the speakers like a pansy’s nut. Music was awful nowadays.

Every nobody in this bar stared at him, none them listening to the disappointing rock music that dribbled out the speakers like a pansy’s nut. Music was awful nowadays.

From Thumper Meets the Ultimate Evil

Yo’ daddy was listening to some nutty-butter rap when he put a baby in yo’ mama, so you end up short

Luckily, Thumper heard a song on the TuneBleed that he curled his lip at, and he couldn’t resist mouthing off about music nowadays and how it made him wanna crawl in a cave and cut his ears off.

Luckily, Thumper heard a song on the TuneBleed that he curled his lip at, and he couldn’t resist mouthing off about music nowadays and how it made him wanna crawl in a cave and cut his ears off. That nigga be listening to Lionel Richie and shit. Prince. Some nigga named “Eric B” and some other one-name nigga “Rakim”. Michael fucking Jackson — not even proper Michael Jackson, Thumper listened to the Jackson Five! What kinda granddaddy nonsense was that?! Deon ain’t wanna get his goat going, so he kept quiet, he just let that old fool harangue the Lil Nas X song on the TuneBleed.

“I like music. I like propuh music, nigga, not some pisspuffin smackin’ his lips like a retard, whisper-rappin’, shit, goddamn, makes my dick shrink…” Thumper looked Deon up and down. “Bet that’s what happened to you. Yo’ daddy was listening to some nutty-butter rap when he put a baby in yo’ mama, so you end up short. If he was listenin’ to proper music, you’d be my size.”

From Thumper the Mover

Some plastic-twang twinkie-fried country music that never seen a trailer park

He typed in fatback, cuz that was what he was looking at, what his ears was craving, what his mouth was hungry for and and what his pecker was currently deep within.

On came music, but it was some plastic-twang twinkie-fried country music that never seen a trailer park, so Thumper turned it right off. He typed in fatback, cuz that was what he was looking at, what his ears was craving, what his mouth was hungry for and and what his pecker was currently deep within.
Luckily, Frank Johnson’s honky phone got Fatback in it, and that was Thumper’s kinda funk, so he pumped up the volume.

From Thumper the Booty Bandit

A water-brain retard screaming obscenities over a romantic movie soundtrack

Like rock and roll, but you could just tell the singer ain’t never get laid — plus it got a banjo.

One foursome used they phone to play something that sounded like a water-brain retard screaming obscenities over a romantic movie soundtrack and then took phone-photos of theyselfs listening to it.

But just off campus, there was a house with a rowdy party going on. Thumper’s ears hopped onto that sound like a city bus. He heard young’uns laughing and carrying on to loud music — like rock and roll, but you could just tell the singer ain’t never get laid — plus it got a banjo — and all them deep on the slur.

From Thumper the Booty Bandit