Category: Bill Wortham

They got Asian hobos now. Asians! Wouldn’t-a happened before

Thumper smoked weed on the reg, did lines of coke now and then, snorted heroin once when he thought it was coke, and he did something unpleasant called salvia that caused reality to ooze and twist like funnel-cake batter in hot oil.

In his early years in prison, Thumper smoked weed on the reg, did lines of coke now and then, snorted heroin once when he thought it was coke, and he did something unpleasant called salvia that caused reality to ooze and twist like funnel-cake batter in hot oil. Once he got out though, he ain’t give none that no mind. The outside world was crazy enough for him.
They got Asian hobos now. Asians! Wouldn’t-a happened before. Bill looked at Thumper like a racist telescope when he pointed that out to him.

From Thumper on Parole

Jacking off is only okay if you got hard accidentally and needed to do it to “relieve an erection”

Bill was all about erections — he said a man shouldn’t be guided by lust, and jacking off too much was being guided by lust.

Bill’s hand delicately wrapped around Thumper’s shaft. He ain’t stroke it, he just held it light as a egg, and Thumper slowly rubbed his dick back and forth to hump his hand.
Bill gulped and closed his eyes, then he stepped away from Thumper. “No. You’re not… you don’t have a complete erection, so…”
Bill was all about erections — he said a man shouldn’t be guided by lust, and jacking off too much was being guided by lust; “too much”, he said, meant getting yourself hard deliberately. Jacking off was only okay if you got hard accidentally and needed to do it to “relieve an erection”.
Mormons is crazy, yo.

From Thumper on Parole

Her pussy taste like chicken piccata, nigga

I found anothuh white bitch insidea that white bitch. Got ’em both suckin’ my dick.


“Bill, man, you should see this white lady I bin fucking. Her pussy taste like chicken piccata, nigga, she filled me up!” Thumper said, stone-facing the shocked look on Bill’s face. “She got a throat deeper than you evuh thought possible, nigga, I was explorin’ her mouth for like a hour. Found all kinda shit down there. I found anothuh white bitch insidea that white bitch. Got ’em both suckin’ my dick. Shit was crazy.”

From Thumper on Parole

Thumper on Parole

Thumper is fresh outta prison, and he’s got a booty bandit reputation to live up to… or down to! But more importantly for him, he’s gotta stay on the good side of his social worker. That means he’s gotta be kind, calm, employed and maybe stop ramrodding men on the downlow. He might even hafta attend a symposium on culturally responsive social work. Can he handle that?

He’s in for a wild ride, and so is any man he’s alone with!

Read it now!