- A nigga with bullshit in his eyes
Going upstairs, he ain’t hafta listen to it. It was just a dull roar up here. Sounded better that way.
Thumper was not gonna fixate on the music. That was some notiony old nigga shit. He was better than that.
- A slow-kidney tinkle-piss beat
Some awful music blared from the speakers. It got a beat like hip hop, a slow-kidney tinkle-piss beat, like if rain could cry, but no words, cuz every nigga in the world musta got too sleepy to rap over it.
- A water-brain retard screaming obscenities over a romantic movie soundtrack
Like rock and roll, but you could just tell the singer ain’t never get laid — plus it got a banjo.
- Buttnugget rock pooping outta the speakers
Thumper do blame Obama. You seen that nigga dance? He ruint it. He ruint it for the whole country.
- Death metal
You know what “death metal” sounds like? Thumper do. That’s what happens to white people when Thumper ain’t around to thump sense into ’em.
- Disappointing rock music dribbled out the speakers like a pansy’s nut
Every nobody in this bar stared at him, none them listening to the disappointing rock music that dribbled out the speakers like a pansy’s nut. Music was awful nowadays.
- Dubstep
“Yo, nigga,” Thumper said, direct into that chocolate nugget’s ear so his voice would drown out the clanging clatter (which was maybe a band called “Dubstep” and sounded like computers being tortured).
- Fatback
That’s proper music, nigga. If you ain’t never listen to Fatback, go put it in the internet now. Hope yo’ booty don’t got plans, cuz it’s go’n be shaking and baking!
- Goddamn modern music was awful
The limp-beat rap music from the party drowned out his voice and threatened to ruin Thumper’s erection — goddamn modern music was awful, no wonder every male under forty was impotent incompetents.
- How did every part of music get worse while he was locked up?
Thumper ain’t yet figure out how to listen to good, old music.
- Like dance music for people with retarded ears
He called hisself a deejay, which meant looking studious when he played a pointless track of beats, no funk, no rapping, no singing, no guitar, just some boom-tiss, boom-tiss bullshit, like dance music for people with retarded ears.
- Like girl-soldiers, it just felt wrong in every way
There oughta be a responsible adult whose job it is to protect those tweenage singers from having to sing such awful songs.
- Niggas be listening to some flat-ass mumble-rap bullshit
All them partyers virtually shouting to be heard over the failed razzle and aborted dazzle of the warbly pop music, shit do it get Thumper’s dick soft!
- Niggas rapping like a deflating balloon
All morning they listened to some nutty-butter rap, Thumper could hardly believe it. Niggas rapping like a deflating balloon, beats dry as a frigid bitch, and every head in that barbershop a nod-along nelly.
- Only difference between music genres now was the singer’s hat
It sounded like eternal loneliness, like the notion that hell is just the shadows the damned live in and from there they can see into heaven where souls eternally rejoice in God’s radiance. It was reggae that sounded like that concept.
- Radio ain’t a thing no more, Thump
Thumper kept poking buttons on the dashboard in hopes of finding some magic combination that would make it 1985 again.
- Some plastic-twang twinkie-fried country music that never seen a trailer park
He typed in fatback, cuz that was what he was looking at, what his ears was craving, what his mouth was hungry for and and what his pecker was currently deep within.
- The club deejay was playing some rhythmless rap now
Shit, Thumper’d rather listen to a hobo’s diarrhea.
- The kinda music faeries might make if they was smoking crack
Something, Thumper thunk, done gone wrong in music. They oughta just rewind it to thirty-four years ago.
- they kept getting new guitarists cuz the previous ones kept killing themselves
The whole thing made Thumper dislike everything in the world more.
- Whiteboy quality gone way down while Thumper was inside
Whiteboys don’t listen to funk no more, you know that? It got took from the whiteboy curriculum.
- Yo’ daddy was listening to some nutty-butter rap when he put a baby in yo’ mama, so you end up short
Luckily, Thumper heard a song on the TuneBleed that he curled his lip at, and he couldn’t resist mouthing off about music nowadays and how it made him wanna crawl in a cave and cut his ears off.
