Mansploitation

It was a semi-truck, an eighteen-wheeler, a big sucker. The driver was prolly lonely as anything, he just want some company for awhile and don’t care if Wojo looks like a shattered stained-glass portrait of a man. Wojo briefly worked as a trucker, he knows about the way o’ the road. It is a lonely life, solitarious if that’s a word, it prolly ain’t, but it sounds righter than lonely. There’s folks driving all around, truck stops is crowded with anonymous faces and interchangeable waitresses like engine parts, the beardy man’s eyes was green like burning traffic lights, go, go, go, and maybe he oughta be a trucker again. If being married to Pam got to be too much he could do it, he’d be gone all the time, she could spend money on curtains and throw pillows, green means go go go.
The electric shock got his brain wobbly still. He don’t wanna be a trucker. Too lonesome.
Or maybe that’s how life comes: lonesome. Only truckers got the gumption to not gussy up the raging lonelies with a home.

From Wojo the Action Hero

The door open, and Hassle came storming into the jailhouse, wrinkling his nose. “Fuckin’ kids!”
“Sup, Hassle.”
Hassle stopped short. “Wojo.” He looked back the way he came, where a forlorn young black kid came sauntering in. Hassle scowled. “That punk-ass kid dunno how to mop-“
“I don’t needta mop! And I ain’t a kid, I’s almost twenty!” said the punk-ass kid.
“Hmm-hmm…” Wojo was feeling too calm to give a shit. He was not currently giving a shit about anything other than Tommy and Pam, and he was stuck in jail, so he was not currently giving a shit about them.
Essentially, Hassle and the young black man were supposed to be cleaning. Hassle had different standards for how that should be done compared to the young black man, whose standards were that it shouldn’t be done. Hassle was very particular about the floor being mopped correctly, cuz he was like that. The young black men — and young men in general — did not care about this at all. It was an irreconcilable difference between the two of them, and it caused them no end of consternation. It caused Wojo none. He was not currently giving a shit about mopping.

From Wojo the Action Hero

He did want to see some action though, as the last couple months had been boring. They were on a military outreach campaign, a “hearts and minds” thing. That meant they were sposedta mingle with the locals in Muscat. Wojo wasn’t never much of a mingler though. Oughta use women for that, women can mingle. Pam’d be good at it.
But Omanis was like mad anti-woman, like they’d never mingle with a female. They’d prolly grope her, they’re like that.
They got a taxi ride into Muscat and took in a coffee in the local cafe. The Middle-East got mad good coffee, bet! Cuz they don’t drink alcohol, prolly, maybe, coffee is the only fun drink they got. And tea. But Wojo don’t mess with tea.
He smiled at everyone they met, and all of ’em looked back with suspicion but then acted friendly. Oman was an American ally, but the Omanis were not, if that makes sense. The country versus the people. Arabs don’t smile at strangers. Wojo don’t know enough to know he shouldn’t be smiling at Arabs. Tommy did, he knew about that stuff, he picked it up like a sixth sense. If he tanned hisself, grew a beard and got a perm, he could pass for Omani, prolly, definitely. Tommy did do exactly that later on.
He sat there like a tumor while Tommy and the shepherdy Omani gabbed along, and then, before Wojo knew it, he was heading into the steam baths of Muscat and the shepherdy one was already undressing before they even got in there. Mad back hair! Wojo don’t wanna judge the Omani culture, but they got too much body hair! Wojo do get his chest hair growing over his shoulder onto his back sometimes, but he gets his neighbor Avery to shave it, it’s called civilization, shit!

From Wojo the Action Hero

They was on the way to visit her family, so it must have something to do with them, Wojo thunk. Her mama is nice. They’s from Vermont, and they own a dairy. It’s big, real pretty, like a lotta green, yu’know, fields and barns and stuff, they do cows, couple goats too, they say goat milk is real valuable, they makes cheese outta it. People pay more for goat cheese than cow cheese. Wojo tried goat milk cheese before in Europe, it’s salty and kinda hard to eat, but it’s good in a way. Tastes like spilled white wine on cream cheese.

From Wojo the Action Hero