In which everything is explained – Page 2

you google it

Steel wanna dip his dingdong in that bitch like she the spicy mustard from McDonald’s.

He saw a white woman Saturday, fell madly in love with her, asked her out, she said yes, then he sent like thirty text messages, which apparently was “creepy” and “over the line” and she said it weren’t gonna work out, and she blocked him before he even composited together a response. Blocked him on the phone and on Facebook! Double whammy! She was built like a sexy skunk, like that French one, ass like a barrel of love, shit! Steel wanna dip his dingdong in that bitch like she the spicy mustard from McDonald’s, she got black hair with sorta curls, but not you know, and anyway, she talk like an angel, she got one them smooth country-girl voices, like you could just picture her reading poetry and riding a horse. Prolly not at the same time, that sounds difficult, but you know, on the same day anyway. Like in a “riding crop” maybe, Steel don’t know what that is and he’s too much in love to google it, you google it, but she dumped him just cuz he got long-winded with the texts, he wanna make sure she understand how pretty she is and how Steel felt cuz not many women make him feel like that, shit, she like a rail of coke, she do get a nigga started.

From Winston Steel & the White Man

Every time like a watch.

Steel was still letting the demon of alcoholism haunt his brain, so he ain’t even conisder saying no. Addiction gonna put you in that position every single time.

Steel was still letting the demon of alcoholism haunt his brain, so he ain’t even conisder saying no. Addiction gonna put you in that position every single time. Every time! Every time like a watch.

From Winston Steel & the White Man

They shoulda sent a poet, y’all!

He been clean as a fiend for nine months. A female could birth a baby in that time. All it takes is a lady, a dingdong and the good Lord above! And health insurance and a midwife and at least one Asian…

Winston Steel got no desire to drink. He been clean as a fiend for nine months. A female could birth a baby in that time. All it takes is a lady, a dingdong and the good Lord above! And health insurance and a midwife and at least one Asian and a hospital and thousands of dollars and and a stork and opiates and a paira scissors to cut the cord with.
So actually it takes a lotta things to birth a baby. But exactly nine months, that much is firm. Unless it’s less or sometimes more.
They shoulda sent a poet, y’all!

From Winston Steel & the White Man

Ain’t lettin’ no brothah go on that ecstasy trip

Ain’t nothin’ proper about happy hardcore, whatevuh kinda kinky BDSM nonsense that is.

“I don’t wanna hear another word about it. State of Alleybama says I gotta keep you halfway-home brothahs accordant with the law and with proper morals. Ain’t nothin’ proper about happy hardcore, whatevuh kinda kinky BDSM nonsense that is.” He stalked off then, leaving Desmond to make crude faces at his backside. Malcolm kept muttering as he went. “Darn tootin’, I knows about all that. Ain’t lettin’ no brothah go on that ecstasy trip, buggin’ up, droppin’ in, tunin’ out, gettin’ down, somethin’ like that…”

From Malcolm Don’t Take No for an Answer

Occupational conventions are the devil’s pot roast

Steel said he had to come along because “occupational conventions are the devil’s pot roast”. Avery had never thought about pot roast like that.

Steel said he had to come along because “occupational conventions are the devil’s pot roast”. Avery had never thought about pot roast like that.

From Avery’s Adventures in Interracial Manhood

The fourdained road

That’s yo’ addiction layin’ its toll on yo’ mind, like a toll road on yo’ mind, chargin’ a toll… in yo’ mind. Yo’ mind is both the road and the destination. And the toll.

“You gonna be,” he said. “Is it makin’ you sick? Real work sickenin’ you? That’s yo’ addiction layin’ its toll on yo’ mind, like a toll road on yo’ mind, chargin’ a toll… in yo’ mind. Yo’ mind is both the road and the destination. And the toll. You still gotta puke. Prolly got booze in yo’ belly still, and it’s brewing up a pot of lazy liver. It’s tellin’ you you don’t gotta improve yo’self, you just fine the way you is.” Steel clapped his hands, so high-energy now that spittle flecked his lips.

Avery quaked about it and shrank away from him, no longer even trying to lift the bar. Steel kept looking down at him and moved up the bench press to stay alongside him. “It’s wrong! You ain’t fine — life is a struggle to remain on the Christian road, you feel me? A struggle of brotherhood is another good, y’all! If you ain’t workin’ on improvement, you drifting off the foredained road.” He paused. “Foetained? Foretained. The foretained road.” He scrunched up his eyes. “The frodained road?”

From Avery’s Adventures in Interracial Manhood

Like a fish denying water is real

He flapped his hands at his ears — presumably his impression of a fish’s gills — Avery suspected Steel did not know what gills were.

“You like a fish denying water is real, and you gonna keep denying it till you finally flop onto land and find yo’ gills don’t work no mo’,” Steel said. He flapped his hands at his ears — presumably his impression of a fish’s gills — Avery suspected Steel did not know what gills were. “You look queasy. You gonna go pukey-ookey, whiteboy?!”

From Avery’s Adventures in Interracial Manhood

Wine is how the devil corrupts the grape

“You as dis’ppointing as that movie — that dumb one, wit’ the wine — got that Asian chick who look like a horse — you ever see that one? — Nevermind, I can’t remember — you done dis’ppoint me, son.”

“Whatchoo doin’, whiteboy? You little snotrag. You oozin’ disappointments right now. You as dis’ppointing as that movie — that dumb one, wit’ the wine — got that Asian chick who look like a horse — you ever see that one? — Nevermind, I can’t remember — you done dis’ppoint me, son.” He paused. “Wine is how the devil corrupts the grape.” He looked to one corner of his eyes as he considered whether that was profound or dumb. He couldn’t decide, so he took out his phone and said it again into his voice-recognition note-taking app.

From Avery’s Adventures in Interracial Manhood

The fence-post of your brain-yard

“That metaphor got away from me, Avery, sorry ’bout that. But I can help you wit’ any of them succumbations.”

“So if you need help with any of that, with gang stuff-” He flashed gang signs and a grave mien. “-with money troubles, with getting horny and needing to get yo’ dingaling dirty, I understand how it goes,” Steel said. He kissed the air. “I am gonna support you, my brother. I be like the fence-post for the chain-links… of yo’… yo’, yo’ fence-brain. The fence, of, yo’ — if yo’ brain was a yard, and it got a fence.” He paused and blinked a few times. “That metaphor got away from me, Avery, sorry ’bout that. But I can help you wit’ any of them succumbations.”

From Avery’s Adventures in Interracial Manhood

Drink when it floods, nigga!

In prison, Steel saw a documentary, and it turned out lizards drink mad water, like desert lizards when it floods, they be guzzling that! Lizards is wise motherfuckers.

“Shit… Once I get my first paycheck, nigga, I’mma get so much liquor — we gonna be drinking like lizards after our first leave, Lem.” In prison, Steel saw a documentary, and it turned out lizards drink mad water, like desert lizards when it floods, they be guzzling that! Lizards is wise motherfuckers. Drink when it floods, nigga!

From Steel the Roughneck