Thumper White is an ex-con and a retired heavyweight boxer, and he do lay the smackdown on any fool who talks back to him.
Descriptions

A door in the hall opened, and a middle-aged Black man with a graying beard like a billy goat and ebon cornrows on his scalp poked his head out. He was so tall he had to stoop down into the doorway. Bill could just barely see by his bare, broad shoulder muscles that the man was shirtless. The rows between the corn on his scalp were dappled with sweat.
From Thumper on Parole
The man opened the door the rest of the way, revealing his bare chest, muscles glistening with sweat. A frown flitted over, then he plastered a sunny smile on his face. He filled the doorway, body failing to fit within his tight-white briefs, bristly pubes protruding around the sides. He had thighs like tree trunks and arms like cannons… His file said he was a pro boxer before his arrest. That was thirty-four years ago. He still got the body of a heavyweight boxer though, now peppered with salty hair and coated with prison tats, and his hands were the size of catcher’s mitts. His topaz skin glistened with moisture that dripped down to make his hand slippery in Bill’s grip.
From Thumper on Parole


He wasn’t ugly, but he certainly wasn’t handsome either, with a squat, bullish face, wild cornrows and a scruffy chin. He wore only a pair of thin shorts, so his body, pockmarked with scars and tattoos, was nearly bare.
Thumper’s apartment above Lipsweet was a sparse bachelor’s abode. There were no personal belongings, no decorations, just a plain couch, a chair, a Super Nintendo and clothes neatly folded in compact piles on the floor. Towels and clothes hung to dry on all the interior doors. They smelled like body soap, not laundry detergent. His mattress was on the floor, and the sheets wasn’t done up right, the bed unmade, just a tangle-pile of blankets, dirty socks and bedsheets.


The old head was maybe fifty or so, and his unkempt beard was salt with black streaks, but the hair on his head, done down in tight cornrows, was jet-black and thinly peppered with silver. He wore a ruddy brown jacket with a lapel like a pool shark atop old-fashioned daddy-bear jeans. He was broad-shouldered and thick as a boxer.
He was Thumper White, twice the age of Jaekwel and Deon and twice as loud too. He got a coarse silver chin like a untended goat and peppery cornrows on his head. His boominous voice rumbled above the idling work-truck… Despite his age, he stayed a spitfire and hit every beat. He ain’t dawdle, even at five-thirty in the morn… Thumper leaned forward, his rammy beard smelling like the unwashed parts of old ladies… Thumper done lift his unclean undershirt up over his uneven cornrows, so his overheaten high yellow chest steamed with a gleamy sheen in the teeming air… He clasped his faded six-pack — he usedta be a professional boxer, before his prison stay, so you could tell he carried a six-pack his whole life before it faded away like a sun-bleacht carpet.
From Thumper the Mover


The old head was maybe fifty or so, and his unkempt beard was salt with black streaks, but the hair on his head, done down in tight cornrows, was jet-black and thinly peppered with silver. He wore a ruddy brown jacket with a lapel like a pool shark atop old-fashioned daddy-bear jeans. He was broad-shouldered and thick as a boxer.
When he talked to Caitlin Smiles the other day, she done snicker the whole time like she was too perfect to talk to a uncool old man who smell like a laundromat.


But he was much larger than Kevin, brimming with muscles and tattoos; he had prison-thug swagger and a hard-as-iron jaw, and his presence made Kevin’s knees weak all over again. Kevin’s soon-to-be cellmate had been a professional boxer before he was locked up, and he was still built like the heavyweight champion he had been back then. His cornrows were scraggly and tinged with silver.
Thumper was rugged, firm, stout, crisscrossed with cheap tats and scars, silvery hairs on his chin, chest, arms and legs. He must have been working out before Kevin arrived because he wore only shorts — with a noticeable bulge — and he was covered in a fine sheen of sweat.
From Thumper Gets Nasty
Thumper felt like an old-timer. He had been in prison for thirty-four years and five months. He felt like he had withered away to nothing in here. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. Physically he was still a towering man, swarthy, broad-chested, with biceps that bulged from ten years of daily improvised workouts. He had prison tats covering his body, and a network of scars from a couple stabbings and one incident in which he was splashed with boiling water, leaving little tiny dots of permanent scars over the left half of his body.
From Thumper the Ex-Con


Just ten years ago, he thought, he had had a six-pack like a movie star, and a handsome shock of jet-black hair. He had thundered across the country on a motorcycle, leaving a chain of broken-hearted chicks and pissed-off cops. Now it was stricken with splashes of gray, and his six-pack had melted away into a flat but meaty belly.
He was tall and broad-shouldered, with deep brown skin and a rather squat face like a boxer. He looked to be in his mid-thirties but he had the body of a man half that age, muscles bulging out of his overly tight tee shirt.
From Thumper the Ex-Con
Thumper was rather the opposite. He was older, just past fifty years old — he was three times Deyon’s age — and he had never been a prettyboy. He was a boxer in his youth (and still occasionally in prison). He retained a powerful, barrel-shaped frame, covered in scars and marks, with a hairy chest. He had never had a six-pack, though his belly was flat. He had frizzy, unkempt cornrows, and he was perpetually slick with sweat.


Rico was whipping out whine and sucking on his teeth. “I gotta share a place with him? Old head smells like a band-aid, nigga! Gimme my own place. I can’t live with old nigga, he prolly drink tea and shit. Put his hair in the drain-“
“Coffee gimme lumpy throat, nigga!” Thumper wagged a finger at Rico.
Thumper was unplugging the television in the living room; he was bigger and older, scruffy, cornrowed and lighter-skinned. Thumper had an intense and potent flavor; he tasted of blunt ash and grimy city streets. He smelled of prison cells, men in cramped conditions and unwashed ballsweat.


Fucking Thump said his favorite food was buttered noodles, and his “specialty” was ramen with barbecue chicken — where “barbecue” means bottled barbecue sauce, not barbecuing, cuz that nigga spent his whole life in a cage. He ain’t some kinda gourmet neither, Deon thought with increasing bitterness, Thumper ain’t never had tempura, sushi or hibachi till last month, that out-of-touch notiony old nigga was Japan-ignorant. He’d prolly explode if he ate a curry. Thumper said he “never heard of ‘Thai food'” like he thought it was a conspiracy theory, shit, he even shot down jollof rice as “nightcheek bullshit”. That nigga maybe never cooked with nothing but a hot plate and a microwave.
From Thumper the Mover
Eventually, as time do be doing, it went on, and night’s close drew near. This was it. Thumper was a free nigga, and he got a job, and here it was. This was freedom. He bin imagined hisself living like he did when he was nineteen and a champion boxer and got a coach and high-quality knees and a posse of niggas with plans and he couldn’t swing his dick around without knocking down a white bitch flinging her pussy at him. Now, he gotta speak up to get any fool to pay him mind. He was just another nigga, not in charge of shit, not even within earshot of being in charge. In prison, Thumper was the nigga who did and everybody knew it. Here, he was just the creepy old head, the new nigga, nobody’s uncle, the graybeard whoever over there. Thumper overheard the dancers whisper about him as the uncool old nigga, as out-of-touch as a frozen caveman. Davon too, he was joking earlier with Bud the club deejay that Thumper was “old-school but not the cool kind of old-school, he’s old-school like an abandoned orphanage”. They all looked at him like a car nobody makes parts for anymore. Thumper pretended not to hear all them all badmouthing him. That was easy cuz they thought he got old-nigga ears.


Thumper was a doddery old nigga who dressed like a fossil. Thumper woulda told them to spit and sit, and he’da flurried up a couplea fisty cuffs if they ain’t show the proper respect with a quickness. If Thumper was in prison still and some young cats fussed at him to hurry, he’d correct them kittens sans mercy. Sans mercy as hell.
Them niggas Thumper don’t know was milling and filling the air through with gab and daps and hairdos, but Thumper sat alone. They all avoided watching him brood like a bothered tiger. That’s what Thumper woulda thunk too, thirty-some years ago, if he saw a cast-iron nigga sitting on his lonesome surrounded by young cats he ain’t talk to. He ain’t put out menace, but they all picked it up. Outgoing ex-cons get a million nosey questions from numptious niggas, so Thumper was glad to scare ’em off. If they all got to chatting at him like lightbulby poppa-rot-seas, he’d-a most likely dropped one or maybe all. So he gloomed around like a ex-con who pretty niggas should stay away from, and they did so, wise as newspapers.


He arrived at his cell with blood streaming down his leg. The Bloods steady sent him out to fight — he was a enforcer, that was his job in the cell block. He ain’t never apply for it, he ain’t never say that’s the job he want. When you look like Thumper, with a face like a catcher’s mitt and hands like battering rams, you best believe every nigga gonna front like you is a enforcer, so you gonna hafta enforce something. Niggas do be stepping.
Then to his left, Thumper saw a big-ass powerhouse nigga, as high yellow as sunshine.
It was him — Thumper recognized that young cat, it was Thumper hisself, Thumper from thirty-four years ago. He got a handsome mug and just a couplea tats. His skin was taut, and his bladder neck ain’t gone batty yet — couldn’t see that, but Thumper could tell. This nigga, this cheekbone-laden young-nigga Wendell, he got the swagger of a man who do piss a reasonable number of times a day.
Thumper could tell from the tattoos that that young-nigga Wendell was from right before his prison sentence. He got them dice on double sixes on his shoulder. Thumper got that tat couplea days before the unlicensed boxing match that led to his arrest. Young-nigga Wendell ain’t got none the prison tats that present-day old-nigga Thumper got.


When he talked to Caitlin Smiles the other day, she done snicker the whole time like she was too perfect to talk to a uncool old man who smell like a laundromat.
Wendell White, a noir employ of Simon’s father. He barked out orders as soon as Sheriff Terwiliger was seen. Wendell was in charge of getting the noirs out back when needed. He was almost as big as Beau but his skin was the color of a light roux, and he got a round face, his close-knapped hair tinged with gray. He barked for action, quick as you please. He wasn’t Creole, but the noirs knew he was in charge.


He could feel dozens of pairs of eyes watching him, most importantly the gigantic beastly man in the cell right in front of him. Mason’s new cellmate was a brutish brown-skinned monster, Mason thought, like a shaved beast. Thumper wasn’t ugly, but he certainly wasn’t handsome either, with a squat, bullish face, wild cornrows and a scruffy chin. He wore only a pair of thin shorts, so his body, pockmarked with scars and tattoos, was nearly bare.
He inhaled of his delicious old-homeboy scent — Thumper wasn’t really old, but he smelled like an old man, like all the older homeboys he had lived with behind bars until just a few days ago. He smelled like an old homeboy whom time had left behind.
Thumper was a middle-aged thug and former boxer, with cornrows and chest hair tinged with gray. He had a big barrel-shaped torso and a scruffy mien to his round face. His nose and ears showed signs of his pro boxing career, and his husky voice sounded like he been breathing stale cigarette-clogged prison air his entire life (which he very nearly had).
From The Prison Punk

Books
- Thumper the Booty Bandit: Thumper is outta prison after thirty-four long years, and he’s learned a thing or two about getting down and dirty without any women around! That puts him on a collision course with some of the toughest alphas, raunchiest deadbeats and soon-to-be submissive losers in Baltimore, each of whom is about to learn that when this ex-con wants to get his rocks off, he doesn’t take no for an answer. He gets involved in the manliest of adventures, with a mouthy young coke dealer, an aryan trustee, a college jock and so much more! Thumper’s ready for the rough ride of his life! (whole thing is free)
- Thumper the Bodyguard: Thumper is a bodyguard for the Gregarian family, which puts this excon in a position to swing downlow with some unlucky men! You see, Thumper’s a booty bandit, so when he needs to or wants to or is bored, he’s gonna get up some homeboy from behind! He survived prison, but can Thumper handle bodyguarding a college girl?
- Thumper Meets the Ultimate Evil: Thumper is outta prison, and he’s in for something he’s never faced before… Working as a bouncer, Thumper finds himself haunted by a owl-masked woman whose very presence scrambles his brain. She presents him with a dilemma and an opportunity — to turn back time and be a young man again — but is he man enough to take it?! Will the Lady of Vows sink her talons into Thumper’s soul?!
- Thumper on Parole: Thumper is fresh outta prison, and he’s got a booty bandit reputation to live up to… or down to! But more importantly for him, he’s gotta stay on the good side of his social worker. That means he’s gotta be kind, calm, employed and maybe stop ramrodding men on the downlow. He might even hafta attend a symposium on culturally responsive social work. Can he handle that? He’s in for a wild ride, and so is any man he’s alone with!
- Thumper the Mover: Thumper’s a booty bandit straight outta prison and humping for the Milligan Moving Company. Him and his homies Deon and Jaekwel get down and dirty, and it don’t much matter to Thumper whether the other two want it. They’ll have to take every inch Thumper’s ready to give! Thumper’s not even on the downlow! That does boggle a homie’s mind, but Deon and Jaekwel gotta put up with that old head’s gropey hands, massive muscles and iron manhood. Can they make it through their time alongside Thumper with their booties intact?!
- Thumper the Ex-Con: Thumper is getting crazy again! He’s about to be released after more than thirty years behind bars, but first he’s gonna have a good time with another inmate, whether he wants it or not! After his release, he’s gonna have to find a new outlet for his intense and potent urges. So where is he gonna find a spot to stick his meat?
- Thumper Gets Nasty: Thumper is at it again — in prison and on the streets, he always gets his man! Thumper is a tough-as-iron convict who doesn’t mind swinging on the downlow… or out in the open, whichever’s dirtier! Thumper loves it nasty and filthy, and he prefers it with a man who needs a little force to convince him to bend over and take it. Can Thumper get the quivering man-meat he craves?! This ultra-raunchy story is the only way to learn the answer!
- Thumper Chooses a Cellmate: Thumper is a legendary convict and a brutal dom, willing to force the men around him to submit and beg… so when he sees someone he likes, all hell breaks through! Can Thumper claim the clean, soft booty he craves? His target Deyon wants to keep his manhood intact, but will Thumper let that happen?
- Thumper the Convict: Paul is in for a crazy stay in prison, and he’s gonna have to deal with the most intense booty bandit convict in the whole pen! His name is Thumper, he’s a tough and macho alpha, and he’s willing to do what it takes to swing downlow with Paul!
- The Ex-Con, the Prettyboy Thug and Gang Loyalty: When ex-con Thumper White is given a joint to live in upon his release from prison, he had no idea he’d be shacking up with a doe-eyed prettyboy… That handsome homie Rico fancies himself a thug and a ladysman. Maybe he is both those things, but Thumper will take what he likes, and he likes Rico’s backside a whole heck of a lot! Thumper’s a booty bandit old head who doesn’t take no for an answer, which means Rico’s in for the ride of a lifetime! Can Rico take Thumper’s brand of prison-starved love?
Free chapters
- Interracial Dubcon in Baltimore: Chapter One
- The Prison Punk
- Thumper & His Prettyboy Cellmate: Chapter 4
- Thumper & His Prettyboy Cellmate: Chapter 5
- Thumper & His Prettyboy Cellmate: Chapter One
- Thumper & His Prettyboy Cellmate: Chapter Three
- Thumper & His Prettyboy Cellmate: Chapter Two
- Thumper Meets the Ultimate Evil: Chapter Five
- Thumper Meets the Ultimate Evil: Chapter Four
- Thumper Meets the Ultimate Evil: Chapter One
- Thumper Meets the Ultimate Evil: Chapter Seven
- Thumper Meets the Ultimate Evil: Chapter Six
- Thumper Meets the Ultimate Evil: Chapter Three
- Thumper Meets the Ultimate Evil: Chapter Two
- Thumper the Booty Bandit: Chapter Eight
- Thumper the Booty Bandit: Chapter Eleven
- Thumper the Booty Bandit: Chapter Five
- Thumper the Booty Bandit: Chapter Four
- Thumper the Booty Bandit: Chapter Nine
- Thumper the Booty Bandit: Chapter One
- Thumper the Booty Bandit: Chapter Seven
- Thumper the Booty Bandit: Chapter Six
- Thumper the Booty Bandit: Chapter Ten
- Thumper the Booty Bandit: Chapter Three
- Thumper the Booty Bandit: Chapter Two
Content
- A nigga should fuck a ugly bitch sometimes. That’s what it means to keep it real.“You done piss me off! And that’s why I is makin’ you go through with it,” Thumper said. That part weren’t true, he was always gonna make Rico do it. A nigga should fuck a ugly bitch sometimes. That’s what it means to keep it real. Niggas don’t explain, you gotsta figger it out.
- Back before, ain’t no nigga button up a shirt. Not a proper nigga anyway.Carson wore a nice shirt he buttoned up like a white man. Or maybe niggas did that now, shit’s bullshit.
- Dimples cute as a baby otteromen expect a nigga to make ‘em happy, so if a nigga is glum, she gonna think he won’t ever make her happy.
- Jacking off is only okay if you got hard accidentally and needed to do it to “relieve an erection”Bill was all about erections — he said a man shouldn’t be guided by lust, and jacking off too much was being guided by lust.
- On uncrustablesIt’s the single limpest-dick thing to ever exist.
- women done spent the last thirty-four years coming up with innovative and unattractive things to do to they eyebrowsThe jawn was bumping. It was nice that they ain’t gotta walk nowhere, just go down the stairs and boop, there they was, in Lipsweet, surrounded by girls in tight things that showed off they other things. They got asses too!Girls got nice asses now! Asses got better in the thirty-four years Thumper was in ...
- Young men are drowning in a male-strum of toxic citiesHe done share prison cells with lotta handsome young things like Rico, with tasteful muscles and cute tattoos and a tight ass you could bounce a kitten off of.
- A nigga with bullshit in his eyesGoing upstairs, he ain’t hafta listen to it. It was just a dull roar up here. Sounded better that way. Thumper was not gonna fixate on the music. That was some notiony old nigga shit. He was better than that.
- A slow-kidney tinkle-piss beatSome awful music blared from the speakers. It got a beat like hip hop, a slow-kidney tinkle-piss beat, like if rain could cry, but no words, cuz every nigga in the world musta got too sleepy to rap over it.
- A water-brain retard screaming obscenities over a romantic movie soundtrackLike rock and roll, but you could just tell the singer ain’t never get laid — plus it got a banjo.
- Buttnugget rock pooping outta the speakersThumper do blame Obama. You seen that nigga dance? He ruint it. He ruint it for the whole country.
- Death metalYou know what “death metal” sounds like? Thumper do. That’s what happens to white people when Thumper ain’t around to thump sense into ’em.
- Disappointing rock music dribbled out the speakers like a pansy’s nutEvery nobody in this bar stared at him, none them listening to the disappointing rock music that dribbled out the speakers like a pansy’s nut. Music was awful nowadays.
- Dubstep“Yo, nigga,” Thumper said, direct into that chocolate nugget’s ear so his voice would drown out the clanging clatter (which was maybe a band called “Dubstep” and sounded like computers being tortured).
- FatbackThat’s proper music, nigga. If you ain’t never listen to Fatback, go put it in the internet now. Hope yo’ booty don’t got plans, cuz it’s go’n be shaking and baking!
- Goddamn modern music was awfulThe limp-beat rap music from the party drowned out his voice and threatened to ruin Thumper’s erection — goddamn modern music was awful, no wonder every male under forty was impotent incompetents.
- How did every part of music get worse while he was locked up?Thumper ain’t yet figure out how to listen to good, old music.
- Like dance music for people with retarded earsHe called hisself a deejay, which meant looking studious when he played a pointless track of beats, no funk, no rapping, no singing, no guitar, just some boom-tiss, boom-tiss bullshit, like dance music for people with retarded ears.
- Like girl-soldiers, it just felt wrong in every wayThere oughta be a responsible adult whose job it is to protect those tweenage singers from having to sing such awful songs.
- Niggas be listening to some flat-ass mumble-rap bullshitAll them partyers virtually shouting to be heard over the failed razzle and aborted dazzle of the warbly pop music, shit do it get Thumper’s dick soft!
- Niggas rapping like a deflating balloonAll morning they listened to some nutty-butter rap, Thumper could hardly believe it. Niggas rapping like a deflating balloon, beats dry as a frigid bitch, and every head in that barbershop a nod-along nelly.
- Only difference between music genres now was the singer’s hatIt sounded like eternal loneliness, like the notion that hell is just the shadows the damned live in and from there they can see into heaven where souls eternally rejoice in God’s radiance. It was reggae that sounded like that concept.
- Radio ain’t a thing no more, ThumpThumper kept poking buttons on the dashboard in hopes of finding some magic combination that would make it 1985 again.
- Some plastic-twang twinkie-fried country music that never seen a trailer parkHe typed in fatback, cuz that was what he was looking at, what his ears was craving, what his mouth was hungry for and and what his pecker was currently deep within.
- The club deejay was playing some rhythmless rap nowShit, Thumper’d rather listen to a hobo’s diarrhea.
- The kinda music faeries might make if they was smoking crackSomething, Thumper thunk, done gone wrong in music. They oughta just rewind it to thirty-four years ago.
- they kept getting new guitarists cuz the previous ones kept killing themselvesThe whole thing made Thumper dislike everything in the world more.
- Whiteboy quality gone way down while Thumper was insideWhiteboys don’t listen to funk no more, you know that? It got took from the whiteboy curriculum.
- Yo’ daddy was listening to some nutty-butter rap when he put a baby in yo’ mama, so you end up shortLuckily, Thumper heard a song on the TuneBleed that he curled his lip at, and he couldn’t resist mouthing off about music nowadays and how it made him wanna crawl in a cave and cut his ears off.
- A high-protein crackerHe was watching Shark Tank and eagered to see the result of the pitch, so he went back to the teevee then. Honky bitch both invented and was a high-protein cracker.
- A lightskin badonkadonkThumper seen niggas on fire less freaked out than she was, and her pussy snapped shut like a shy clam.
- Assumptin’ she hot as can be, suh.Puerto Rican bitches ain’t in the Bible.
- Bits of tits!Most ’em was spilling bits of tits outta those stringy things.
- Dripping, tripping and flippingA woman oughta agree to a threesome if she’s the hot one in it.
- Her pussy taste like chicken piccata, niggaI found anothuh white bitch insidea that white bitch. Got ’em both suckin’ my dick.
- Her tits was plumping when she pressed the buzzerThis thick-ass straightlane female with weeks of booty to belove, bitch looked like she could rape a horse, and Thumper wanna be that horse.
- I got a good fifteen, twenty puhcent left to snack on.Old lady pussy take awhile to get wet, but I got it goin’, got it goin’ good. Got her purrin’ like a mash potatuh, nigga.
- just slightly plump, perfectly round, with tits like headlights on a Mercedes“Shit, I couldn’t get my arms all the way around that bitch-” Banter was interrupted by niggas laughing like hyenas. His lor-nigga voice rose above ’em. “I was fuckin’ her, got lost in her tits, swear to God. Had to send a signal flare up to find my way out. Called my sister to come ...
- Like a paira UFOs done land on her boobs.Thumper love a nipply bitch.
- Proper one too, not a Golden CorralShe pretty as a pumpkin, suh. Tits like a ol’ country buffet.
- She do booty, right?He mimed eating a very big pot pie with a itty-bitty spoon.
- She gonna be rumbling like a air conditionerShe was old enough that her pussy must be dry and needful indeed.
- She got thighs like you wouldn’t believeYou couldn’t even tell she done pop out a kid. Tight as tall tales, nigga.
- Soft as saxophone soundsThumper done spent decades in prison, but he knew a pair of naturals when he peeped ’em, and them two, they was naturals.
- The thought of her made his dick hard as a brick of bicsHe ain’t gotta work at a stiffy like with that old snatch Ethel.
- They was naturals too, a nigga could tellThumper been in prison cells smaller than them things.
- Thumper be bogglingShe was blonde as a volleyball, tits like wombats.
- Tits is nice nowadays!Men gonna be paw-paw yumming all over her in that thing. Thumper snuck peeks at her pair in the mirror. They was jiggling up and down like untrained seals.
- Tits like tornadosThumper was distracted by the waitresses. Lipsweet stay hiring the best waitresses — bunchesa ’em too, thronging. Thronging like commas, nigga.
- Wigglin’ like a riddleShe made Thumper’s dick hurt, and her thighs made the hurt worth it.
- women done spent the last thirty-four years coming up with innovative and unattractive things to do to they eyebrowsThe jawn was bumping. It was nice that they ain’t gotta walk nowhere, just go down the stairs and boop, there they was, in Lipsweet, surrounded by girls in tight things that showed off they other things. They got asses too!Girls got nice asses now! Asses got better in the thirty-four years Thumper was in ...
- PakistanisWhen Thumper asked what a “oober” was, Mr. Gregarian said it was a phone company that sent a Pakistani to give women a ride home and rape them.
- Sagging pantsJeans is okay. But don’t sag ’em too deep, if he see drawers he get steamy, and he do monologue about it.
- the Cuban pool attendants were handsome as meerkatsMr. Gregarian wanted Thumper to accompany them cuz he don’t trust Cubans around his daughter or Spanish-speakers generally or young men at all.
- A nigga need a screwdriver and a building permit to eat a bitch outYou know bitches get they flaps contoured? They bleach they assholes too. Bleach! Asshole oughta be nasty, Thumper thunk, that’s how you know it’s worth it!
- A nigga should fuck a ugly bitch sometimes. That’s what it means to keep it real.“You done piss me off! And that’s why I is makin’ you go through with it,” Thumper said. That part weren’t true, he was always gonna make Rico do it. A nigga should fuck a ugly bitch sometimes. That’s what it means to keep it real. Niggas don’t explain, you gotsta figger it out.
- All the neighborhoods they drove through was differentEast Middle was fulla young white folk with unpleasant hairstyles.
- Back before, ain’t no nigga button up a shirt. Not a proper nigga anyway.Carson wore a nice shirt he buttoned up like a white man. Or maybe niggas did that now, shit’s bullshit.
- Craving the nigga-heavy nights of a crowded cellThough he ain’t want nobody to know it, Thumper looked forward to work, and the dawn couldn’t come early enough.
- Even Asians got retards now! Wouldn’t a-happened before!Rico need a nigga to hold his hand every step of the way. Young folks is like that now!
- He might as well wear a dinosaurThe only stores he could hoof it to was a place just for tee shirts with dirty jokes on ’em, a “antifascist surf and skater joint” and a store that sold nurses’ scrubs to plus-size ladies.
- He need a niggaectomyThey can join the list of body parts that don’t work. His heart, his “bladder neck”, his left shoulder, his sinuses, some kinda flap in his throat, his knees and elbows, ankles, fingers, ears.
- How did every part of music get worse while he was locked up?Thumper ain’t yet figure out how to listen to good, old music.
- Lazy-ass punks all overNowadays, in the free outside present-day here-and-now of the real world, early rising got niggas tripping, looking at Thumper like sad question marks when he said he got up at six.
- NetflicksThumper saw a netflick, it was so boring he slept for five hours without getting up to piss.
- Obama ain’t do nothing!Thumper microwaved a brick of frozen broccoli and cheese, cuz he was pretending to like broccoli, cuz the world was like that these days, cuz Obama ain’t do nothing!
- Plumbers still out there making bank, y’all!He phoned out to see if he got a app that could build, deliver and install plumbing before his next poop. But there ain’t no such app. Not everything’s a phone yet!
- Rico’s frown was exponentialFrowning spread like a bat virus while Thumper was locked up. Young folks be frowning at everything. Dissatisfaction rained like a queen’s pee-pee.
- Some squawky whiteboy on the radio pissed Thumper off like squawky whiteboys doCars went faster nowadays, or maybe time itself was faster.
- Tap-a-tap-tap, he snap-snackin’ on ya cashKids was phone-bullying other kids into stabbing they grandmas, lazy-eyed niggas was buying Russian wives on the phone, cauliflowery whiteboys be stealing the treasury on they phone and burning down schools, it happens, shit, look it up!
- That nigga was presenting like a tinfoil supervillainThe driver was a reflective-vest redbone with bleached hair, a shiny grill, steel rods in his eyebrows and a center-of-his-nose ring. That nigga was presenting like a tinfoil supervillain.
- They got Asian hobos now. Asians! Wouldn’t-a happened beforeThumper smoked weed on the reg, did lines of coke now and then, snorted heroin once when he thought it was coke, and he did something unpleasant called salvia that caused reality to ooze and twist like funnel-cake batter in hot oil.
- Whiteboy quality gone way down while Thumper was insideWhiteboys don’t listen to funk no more, you know that? It got took from the whiteboy curriculum.
- You can text a eggplant to a pussyPaychecks is on the phone too. Tap, zoooooop, boom, there it goes, paycheck gets emailed to the bank, taxes go out, money all gone. You don’t even gotta spend it.
- You know they don’t got jungle gyms no more?You know they don’t got jungle gyms no more? That shit do emboggle a nigga’s brain. They ain’t even a thing. Put ’em in your phone and what comes up? Brazilian niggas lifting weights with sloths. Shit’s bullshit, nigga.
Sexy stuff
- The Prison PunkMason is a weak pretty-face white man in prison, his cellmate is the legendary Thumper White, and that means Mason is in for a shock. It turns out Thumper wants something from his prison punk that Mason never expected… This meek bottom and alpha top are about to switch it up, turning their prison cell upside-down! Read ...
- Thumper & His Prettyboy Cellmate: Chapter TwoChapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Two Thumper was bossy and mean but not violent, so Lamar couldn’t complain too much. Lamar did hate how touchy he was, but he felt better once he saw that Thumper was just as touchy with the other inmates. Thumper had been behind bars so long he was desperate for ...
- A prudent niggaSo Thumper walked all rappy-dapper, like his rickety walk was a gangsta lean, as he brought the other two to the back porch, where a sheet-curtained corner got a hole in the sheet and a nigga sticking his dick in that hole. That duckydoo nigga was moaning like a moist walrus when they got there, ...
- Deep on the DownlowWhen the legendary boxer Thumper White is released from prison, he never thought he’d be rooming up with a doe-eyed prettyboy named Rico! Neither of them will ever be the same. That’s cuz Thumper gets horny sometimes, and he don’t take no for an answer when it comes from a darkskin slice of handsome pie ...
- The Prison PunkMason is a weak pretty-face white man in prison, his cellmate is the legendary Thumper White, and that means Mason is in for a shock. It turns out Thumper wants something from his prison punk that Mason never expected… This meek bottom and alpha top are about to switch it up, turning their prison cell upside-down! Read ...
- Thumper & His Prettyboy Cellmate: A Forceful Alphas Mansploitation ShortThumper is a legendary prisoner with a new cellmate, a handsome prettyboy with big doe eyes and a tight ass. Always wanting to be helpful to fresh-faced young inmates, Thumper takes a keen interest in his new bunkmate Lamar. What is Lamar gonna hafta do to get through his seven-month sentence with Thumper? Read it now as ...
- Thumper & His Prettyboy Cellmate: Chapter 4Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Four As Lamar neared the halfway mark of his sentence, a prison riot led to an extended lockdown. Normally they’d be kept inside for a day, maybe two. But not this time. They ain’t let them out for a month, except for a shower every other week — and even ...
- Thumper & His Prettyboy Cellmate: Chapter 5Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Five As Lamar’s release date neared, he got more and more relaxed. The light at the end of the tunnel was coming closer, and some days Lamar was almost giddy. Thumper seemed upset that Lamar was leaving — long-timers sometimes felt like that, watching someone they cared about walk away, ...
- Thumper & His Prettyboy Cellmate: Chapter OneChapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter One When the guard said Lamar’s cellmate was a man named ‘Wendell White’, Lamar Casper was relieved — he sounded like an accountant done up on embezzlement charges. That has gotta be some prissy whiteboi he could control.So Lamar’s jaw dropped when he stepped into the tiny cell and saw ...
- Thumper & His Prettyboy Cellmate: Chapter ThreeChapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Three As Lamar grew accustomed to incarceration, things settled into a sort of cruel normalcy. The everyday humiliations of prison life became minor nuisances, and even the food seemed to taste better as memory of a better time faded from Lamar’s grasp.The one thing Lamar couldn’t get used to was ...
- Thumper & His Prettyboy Cellmate: Chapter TwoChapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Two Thumper was bossy and mean but not violent, so Lamar couldn’t complain too much. Lamar did hate how touchy he was, but he felt better once he saw that Thumper was just as touchy with the other inmates. Thumper had been behind bars so long he was desperate for ...
- The Prison PunkMason is a weak pretty-face white man in prison, his cellmate is the legendary Thumper White, and that means Mason is in for a shock. It turns out Thumper wants something from his prison punk that Mason never expected… This meek bottom and alpha top are about to switch it up, turning their prison cell upside-down! Read ...
- The Prison PunkMason is a weak pretty-face white man in prison, his cellmate is the legendary Thumper White, and that means Mason is in for a shock. It turns out Thumper wants something from his prison punk that Mason never expected… This meek bottom and alpha top are about to switch it up, turning their prison cell upside-down! Read ...
- The Prison PunkMason is a weak pretty-face white man in prison, his cellmate is the legendary Thumper White, and that means Mason is in for a shock. It turns out Thumper wants something from his prison punk that Mason never expected… This meek bottom and alpha top are about to switch it up, turning their prison cell upside-down! Read ...
Pictures
See the Thumper White gallery for pics.
Videos
See the Thumper White videos page for videos.